Lost and Found
by Lucy Alyce
Summary: "I love Fall. The leaves are so friendly and beautiful, even as they're kind of dying off before the cold sets in. That's how I want to go." A journey to find all they've lost, including what they don't remember having: each other. AH. Jalice.
1. How Things Were

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
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**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
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**Chapter 1: How Things Were  
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August 15, 2009

Alice twirled around with Jane, feeling the music pulsing through her. The whole room was humming, a blur of colors and sound as she spun.

Every time the song changed, her eyes wandered over to a corner where a guy was watching her. The haze of alcohol and sweat settled onto him like morning dew. To her, he seemed to be glittering; his skin was pearls and his hair was gold, but they were shining in silver and jade tones. She had never seen a person look like that before. He was beautiful.

Jane soon turned into James, but Alice wasn't sure when that happened. They danced together until a slower song came on.

Alice stopped looking at the mystery guy and grinned up at James as he pulled her closer. "When did you take over?" she giggled.

He tilted her chin up with his fingers, two rods of heat against her skin, and melted his lips to hers.

His fingers closed around her wrist and he tugged at her arm so that she'd follow him out of the main room and back into a more private hallway. There, he nudged her against the wall and leaned into her.

"How you feeling?" His breath tickled her ear as he whispered into it.

"Lovely," she sighed in a hushed tone, remembering the postage stamp square that he had daintily placed on her tongue hours earlier.

She felt the muscles in his face move as he smirked, starting to kiss down her neck. He mumbled against her skin, "What's your favorite part so far?"

She shook her head, still in awe. "I don't know... I just feel like... I can feel everything. The music's alive and the walls are whispering to me and everything's just... color and beauty..."

His fingers slipped under her shirt, thumbs ghosting across her ribs. "What's that feel like?"

Her eyes were closed as his hands brushed over her skin. How could she explain to him that behind her eyelids, his long, calloused fingers were running along her ribs in the same way that her father's floated across the keys of a piano?

"Mmm," was all she could respond, her mind pretending that he was creating music by playing broken chords on her piano-key bones.

"We've gotta get you outside, soon, Alice. That's where the real beauty is. Wait til you see the stars..."

She just nodded against him, a smile on her lips. She could hear the music coming from his fingers and it made her want to sway to the tune.

James pulled away from her a bit and raised an eyebrow. "You wanna head up to La Push in a bit with some of the res guys?"

He watched her eyes as she opened them. They darted left, then right, and then focused back on him as if she was seeing him for the first time. She nodded.

"I'll come get you in a bit." When his mouth met hers, she tasted peaches and saw orange as his tongue parted her lips.

When he was finished, he smirked and then walked away, leaving her standing against the paint chipped wall in the hallway.

She stood there for a while-she wasn't quite sure how long it was. But then she could feel the walls vibrating. She kicked her shoes off and then danced her way down the hall and back into the main room, feeling how the carpet felt soft, like the ears of her neighbor's Cocker Spaniel.

Her toes sunk into the floor as she danced. She started counting the beats of her heart in her head and then she was sliding down into a corner. She was cold, but sweating, and the walls were sticky with humidity. They would warm her, she decided, leaning her head back and taking in a deep breath. The air smelled like perfume and sweat, but on her tongue, she could still taste peaches.

Though his vision was hazy, as if he was looking through a cold, fogged window, he was still able to notice how blue her eyes were.

_Crystals...ocean...violets...fireworks... _

He couldn't think of something that would compare to the shade of dark cerulean that seemed to glow from her face as she looked over at him.

Charlotte nudged Jasper and then chuckled at the way that he had jumped, tearing his eyes away from her.

She stood closer to him and looked across the room at where Jasper had been staring. "She's cute."

He cleared his throat and nodded as Charlotte handed him another drink. "You should go talk to her."

Something like a laugh forced its way out of him. "I'm way too fucked up right now to have a conversation, Char."

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. "Well, by the looks of her, she is too."

Jasper squinted, trying to determine if Charlotte was right. She was too blurry. He took a swig of the bitter liquid and turned to the tiny woman in front of him. "Where's Pete?"

"I lost him to Flip Cup," she chuckled, shaking her white-blonde bangs out of her face. "I think we might head out with a few of the guys he's playing with... they said a friend of theirs is gonna meet them to go up to the reservation at La Push. I think they wanna go cliff diving!" Her eyes lit up.

Jasper knew it was stupid and probably illegal to jump off of a cliff into the ocean at two or three in the morning, but his mind was too fuzzy to comprehend it fully.

His eyes wandered back over to the girl with the blue eyes. Her dark hair fell into her face as she started dancing with a girl who was small, but still taller than her. As she danced, her skirt flew up around her, giving Jasper a glimpse at her small, toned thighs.

"Yeah, for sure... that sounds fun."

Usually, Jasper was very nonchalant about their plans. Charlotte and Peter pretty much just picked him up and took him with them wherever they went and Jasper never seemed to care one way or another where they ended up. Anywhere but home was fine with him.

"You're coming?"

He shrugged, still watching the girl dancing. He couldn't get over the way she just seemed to radiate the complacency she was feeling. The girl looked so... at ease. Calm. Content. How did she do that?

"Maybe."

Charlotte smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her head into his chest as she hugged him. "Wanna come out for a smoke with me?"

He shrugged again and she hit him lightly. "Stop that. Your shoulders are gonna fall off if you keep doing that."

He shook his head, but hugged her back, as natural as breathing, grinning. "Sure, why not?"

Tearing his gaze away from her again, they started to walk toward the back door. Charlotte kept her arm slung around Jasper's waist to support him and he kept his arms around her shoulders, thinking he was supporting her; in actuality, she was helping him stay upright.

When Jasper and Pete had downed five shots in a row before they had left Peter's house, she knew it would be a more wobbly night for all of them. But once her two favorite guys had filled up at the keg more times than she could count throughout the night, she knew things were going to get interesting.

She looked up at him and then smiled knowingly. "So that girl next to the keg... you gave her _the look_ a few times. I can't wait to see the look on Maria's face when she sees the two of you together."

He blinked and tried to focus. Charlotte was his best friend's girlfriend and like a sister to him. Maria was her step-cousin...somehow. Right now, Jasper forgot how it worked.

"Maria? Why would she care?"

She grinned and took the cigarette from behind her ear so it wouldn't get crushed as she leaned into him. "Seriously, Jazz?"

His brow furrowed and she giggled quietly, amused by his oblivion. "Speak of the devil..."

Maria was leaning against the wall next to the back door. Her long, dark curls were pulled up, but loose strands escaped her messy bun. Her cream colored dress hugged her body and accented her cleavage. The light color showed off her dark skin that the girls at school tried to imitate for fifty dollars a month at the local tanning salon.

Her lips were the color of blood and turned upward as the two came closer.

"Hey, Char," she greeted before turning her caramel eyes to Jasper. Her eyelids were hooded a bit and Charlotte couldn't tell if she was drunk or high.

"Hey, Maria. How's it going?" She reached her hand to turn the knob to go outside, but Maria's fingers settled on her arm.

"Mind if I steal Jasper from you for a little bit?" she asked, her voice a bit husky as she lowered it and turned to run her eyes over him, smirking.

"That's... up to Jasper." Charlotte squeezed Jasper's waist before she gently removed her arm from supporting him. "Jay, you wanna hang out with Maria for a bit and I'll see you later or did you want a smoke?"

Her light eyes were begging him to blow Maria off and he knew it. Ever since Jasper and Maria's on and off again fling had begun months ago, Charlotte had been trying to convince Jasper that Maria was no good for him... that she was just using him for when she found it convenient. Maria and Charlotte were on good terms, but Charlotte knew Maria pretty well and she understood how she played her games.

But Jasper didn't really seem to care-something that bothered Charlotte and Peter even more. And he fell into her temptation every time.

Including now.

"Yeah, um... Char, are you okay to go out by yourself?" he asked. The way Maria was looking at him was making his brain fuzzy again.

Cerulean eyes flashed into his head, but were quickly replaced by Maria's smoldering brown ones as she stepped between Charlotte and Jasper.

"She'll be fine for a bit, Jay. Right, Char?" Maria said sweetly, her fingers gripping Jasper's wrist, fingernails hooking onto his skin.

He was pulled away from Charlotte's concerned visage and in what seemed like seconds later, he was sitting on the edge of a bed with his pants around his ankles.

Maria usually dictated what they were going to do and then she would lead them, but tonight, Jasper found that his hips seemed to have a mind of their own.

She wrapped her lips around him and stared up at him lustily as he took control, closing his eyes in bliss.

He thought of blue eyes and dancing and the milky white smoothness of her thighs as her skirt spun up...

And then as the electricity pulsed through him, Maria was pushing him off of her and climbing onto him for her turn.

When she was bored with him, she covered her shining, copper skin with her clothes again and left him lying there, a thin sheet of sweat covering his body.

He sat up, feeling just as empty and used as Charlotte always told him he would when he let Maria take him to rooms in people's houses at these parties.

Everything was happening so quickly and bits of the night were starting to disappear from his mind. He remembered watching the girl with the eyes dancing. And he recalled talking to Charlotte... suddenly, he was with Maria... and now he wasn't again.

Too fast.

He managed to fit his limbs back into his clothes before he stumbled his way downstairs. The room was still out of focus, but he didn't feel like he was blacking out anymore.

After a quick cigarette under the veil of the cool night, Jasper went back inside to the main room, where the music was pounding as if he had never left.

And there _she_ was again. This time, she was sitting in the corner, her head tilted back against the wall. She looked so at peace that he wondered if she had fallen asleep.

"Don't pussy out now, go talk to her!" A voice whispered into his ear.

Charlotte was standing next to him, a sad smile on her face. He knew she was pitying him because of how he let Maria manipulate him, but he didn't want her to. It was his own damn fault.

He tried a smile for her. "She's sleeping."

"No, she's not. She's just... enjoying," Charlotte nodded. "Go talk to her for a bit, Jay."

"Mmm... I don't want to disturb her-enjoying or sleeping." He knew he would be if he tried to talk to her now, and he didn't want to be the reason why irritation might cross her smooth features. Plus, what kind of guy would he be if he tried to talk to such a beautiful person right after he had been with Maria?

He wasn't worth wasting her time.

Charlotte nudged him lovingly. "Get that look off your face."

"What look?"

"The one where you look like you hate yourself. And at the very least, go make sure she's not passed out or suffering from alcohol poisoning. Who knows? You could save her life or something!"

He cocked an eyebrow, but when he looked back at the girl, he realized that her skin really did look very pale and her lips were a mulberry color... What if something _had_ happened?

So he made his way over to where she was sitting against the wall, barefoot, her knees pulled up so that she could wrap her arms around them.

He sat down next to her and when he did, her head rolled to the side to look at him. To his surprise, she smiled.

"Hi."

"Hey," he answered slowly, grateful that she was talking and not dying.

They stared at each other for a moment, Jasper getting lost in the way the shadows accented the dark circles under her eyes. Even with them, he had never seen someone so beautiful.

"Where are your shoes?"

The minute the words were out of his mouth, he felt like an idiot for asking.

She grinned, her teeth shining. "I don't need them."

The smell of incense and eucalyptus swirled past him as she shifted her position to look more closely at him. They stared at each other for a few moments, Jasper counting the freckles on her face and Alice staring at the flecks of brown among the green in his eyes and the way that they melted together, almost hypnotizing her.

Before they could talk anymore, Charlotte was back with Peter, who began tugging Jasper to his feet. "Let's go, man. We gotta get up there before the rain starts."

He was yanked away from her before his soggy brain could process what was happening. He glanced back once to see the girl standing up; her peaceful smile was almost like a goodbye.

"Didja talk to her?" Char was asking as they headed outside.

"Tried to. Got dragged outside before I really could," he grumbled as Peter was pushing him toward a car that already looked too full of people.

She laughed, getting situated so that she was sitting on one of Pete's knees and one of Jasper's in the car. "At least now you know she's alive. And you'll probably see her soon. I think she's coming up to La Push with us."

Again, things seemed to be happening faster than usual. As they got to the cliff diving spot in La Push, it was drizzling lightly. The driver-someone Jasper had never met before-parked on the side of the road and then they crossed the street to climb over a waist-high metal gate that was decorated with a bright orange "No Trespassing" sign.

Pete made fun of Jasper as he almost fell climbing over the gate. "How much'd you have to drink tonight, man? Can't even climb over a tiny gate?"

Jasper shoved him and chuckled slightly. He knew if Pete had been the one tripping, he'd have fucked with him for it, too.

Charlotte reached up and pulled Peter down to her level before kissing him in a way that he had only seen the two of them kiss. It was like when they were attached to one another, they couldn't see anything or anyone else.

"I think Jay needs some _help_ from his best friend, not for him to fuck with him," she scolded playfully, patting Peter's backside.

"IIII don't need the kind of help Pete's gonna offer," Jasper laughed, turning away from them to watch as another car load pulled in across the street.

"I think you'll like this kind of help, man," Pete said, coming closer and pulling a flask of liquor out of his back pocket. "We'll save the _really_ fun stuff for later," he teased with a wink as he took a sip from the flask. He tilted his head back, throwing the liquid down his throat, before passing it to Charlotte. "Ladies first, though."

She rolled her eyes and took two gulps from Pete's flask before passing it to Jasper as Peter's arms swallowed her into a hug. She attacked his lips and pressed herself closer to him as Jasper shook his head at the two and swallowed the harsh liquid.

The three of them looked nothing alike, but were often mistaken as family because of their similar light hair. Jasper couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather have people think he was related to. He and Peter had been best friends since elementary school and Charlotte had joined their group in middle school, when Pete had made it his mission to make her his girlfriend. Now, the three were practically inseparable.

The new group gathered a little further off of the road, protected by the trees behind them and nothing but ocean in front of them. You could literally just walk off of the edge and into the crashing waves beneath them. Jasper wondered if he was sober enough to not drown.

The wind changed and Jasper could smell the eucalyptus again... this time, mixed in with the salty mist around them. He turned his head and noticed that the girl was with the second car load that had just joined them. Her eyes were wider than earlier as she floated over to the edge and peered over, perfectly balanced.

He felt himself gravitating toward her and soon he was standing next to her.

Her eyes flickered to him and she grinned. "You're glowing."

He blinked in confusion, but the side of his mouth tilted up. "Glowing, darlin'?"

She nodded. "With the water and the moon..." she stepped closer to him and her tiny hand reached to touch his face. "S'beautiful."

He wasn't sure what she was on, but whatever it was, it made her happy. And it made him feel happy, too, to have her fingers resting on his face, her scent close enough to become part of him.

"Are you gonna jump?" he asked, motioning to the water with his head.

He practically felt the excitement surge from her fingertips and into him. "I don't know," she admitted, her eyes getting wider, still. "Do you think I'd fly?"

He chuckled, not at her, but just because the innocence in her voice made him lighter. "Probably not for long. Can you swim?"

She shook her head and bit her lip, shaking her dark hair and then touching it and giggling as it whipped her face. "I can't swim at all."

"Your daddy never taught you?"

She swallowed and her smile faltered just slightly. "Nope."

Her hand reached for his, then, and she squealed with delight as someone next to them let out a Tarzan yell and flung themselves from the cliff.

The two of them watched as the person flayed his arms as he fell. He disappeared into the black water and then surfaced a few seconds later, yelling so loudly that it echoed up to them.

"Wow," she breathed, and he had to admit, he felt the same amazement.

"Do I get to watch you fly?" she asked him as another person from the group jumped off of the cliff.

He shrugged. "I don't think so. That water's freezing, darlin'."

"So's the air, though," she pointed out, taking her hand away and trailing her finger over the bumps on his arms. He was pretty sure that her touch only made more appear.

She then crossed her own arms across her chest. "Feels nice."

The salty breeze from the water engulfed them then and she closed her eyes, grinning and laughing as thousands of pinpricks joined the glistening droplets of water that were already covering both of them.

She opened her eyes when the wind settled a bit and searched his curiously. "Is it true?"

He had no clue what she was talking about, but he noticed she was starting to shiver. He shrugged his jacket off and handed it to her. "Is what true?"

She looked at his offer warily, but then smiled and took his jacket carefully. "The wind told me you thought I was interesting. And pretty." Alice slid her arms into his jacket and let it engulf her, reveling in the smell of him.

He swallowed because he wasn't sure how to respond. He _did_ find her interesting and more than just pretty, especially in the way he jacket enveloped her like a blanket instead of a jacket. She was so much smaller than he was.

"The wind told you all that?"

"And maybe a little more." Her voice was smooth and innocent, but almost teasing him playfully.

A few more people were jumping off of the cliff behind them, but the two of them were only seeing each other right now. His brain was slow from all of the alcohol and hers was high on LSD, but both were captivated by each other, drawn to the essence of the other person, feeling more than just the effects of drugs.

She put her hand out toward him, her palm up, and he put his hand down on top of hers.

Warmth flowed between their hands, despite the cold.

"Sparks," she whispered, her eyes wide and pleased, "White sparks."

This time, he knew what she meant.

She jerked her hand back after a minute, as if the sensation had burned her, and then touched his hand again carefully. He held onto hers as she peered up at him, curiosity shining in her eyes. She had never felt something like this before, not even with James.

Red and blue lights started flashing over his face. At first, she thought she was just seeing more colors, like what she had been seeing all night.

But then all hell broke loose.

"It's the fucking cops! Go!"

Some had already jumped off, but there were still a good eighteen or so people at the edge of the cliff. More had arrived in carloads, some bringing drinks and others bringing drugs and they all knew that they weren't supposed to be there.

Alice looked around frantically, not at all as calm as she had been earlier.

In the pandemonium that followed, Jasper felt Alice's hand being ripped away from his. A guy had grabbed her arm and was running, trying to drag her along with him, but her feet weren't moving.

"Jazz, c'mon!" Pete was suddenly next to him, Charlotte's hand in his. "We won't be able to outrun them. We gotta hide."

Jasper ran behind the two of them, but couldn't help looking back at where he and the girl had been standing just seconds ago.

Peter slid over the side of the cliff and dropped onto a ledge that was a few feet below. Others were throwing themselves off of the jumping point and into the water, hoping to escape capture that way. The echo of feet slapping the wet pavement could just barely be heard over the yelling and sharp commands.

Jasper made sure Charlotte was able to get down to Pete safely. The ledge was just wide enough to fit them comfortably and it circled around to the other side, where a rock protruded out over the edge. They could wedge themselves under the make-shift cave and hide in the shadows of it until they heard nothing above them and the raid was over.

It was a good plan on Peter's part, especially since he had had to come up with it last minute.

Just as Jasper was about to jump down, too, he saw her.

The girl was curled up in a ball in the middle of the chaos. It was a miracle that no one had tripped over her, yet. A few of the cops had people pressed against the side of their cars just feet away from her while they called for back up into the static of their radios.

"Jasper! Jump!" Pete called to him, but Jasper couldn't take his eyes off of her small frame.

"Hold on!" he hissed, starting to sprint over to her, shoving people out of the way as he went.

He finally got to her and then crouched down, grabbing her hand. "C'mon, we've gotta get you out of here!"

"Just leave me," she whimpered, "I can't run. They trees are helping them. I'll fall into the shadows and I won't be able to breathe anymore. I have to stay here!"

She wasn't making any sense, but her stiffness told him she was more than just afraid-she was terrified.

"I'll help you!"

"They all left me. You should, too," she whispered. "I'll get you caught."

"I'm not gonna do that, darlin'," he said, sounding a lot calmer than he felt. He grabbed her other hand and proceeded to pull her into a standing position, but her knees collapsed.

"I can't-" Tears were falling out of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks, mixing with the rain that was falling around them, now.

"Listen, I need you to trust me, can you do that for me?" He was drunk, but the adrenaline rush from the situation helped him think a little more clearly than he had been earlier.

Despite her fear, her sapphire eyes managed to find his. She simply nodded.

He picked her up, then, and she melted into his body, holding on to him tightly as she shook with cold and fear.

Jasper managed to get her to the edge without being noticed. He handed her down to Peter and Charlotte and then dropped down, himself.

Charlotte immediately tried to tend to the girl, whispering to her softly and rubbing her back, trying to get her to stop shaking.

"She was in the middle of everything... I couldn't just leave her there," Jasper tried explaining, but neither Peter nor Charlotte needed an explanation.

"Of course you couldn't, Jazz. You did the right thing," Char told him, biting her lip as she helped guide her out of sight of the cops above them.

"She's really messed up, though, Jasper. You can see that, right?" Peter and Jasper were speaking quietly, slightly away from the girls.

"I know, but until things clear up there, we can't really do anything for her," Jasper answered, biting his thumb nail.

Peter nodded and took another swig from his flask. Jasper reached out for it to do the same. Tonight was turning stressful and he'd need all the help he could get.

Alice couldn't help the way that her whole body was trembling. The sirens had been deafening and the trees kept talking to her, beckoning to her, trying to get her into the shadows so that they could hide her from the police. She knew if she went into the shadows, though, she'd be lost forever.

The boy from earlier had saved her. She tried to remind herself to thank him after she was done having her panic attack.

The girl that was with them was nice. She spoke softly and the way she rubbed Alice's back was starting to comfort her.

"Hon, my name's Charlotte and we're going to help you, okay? Do you have someone I can call for you? Someone who can come pick you up?"

Alice kept her eyes squeezed shut and focused just on Charlotte's voice. She shook her head.

"No one?"

"James," she whispered, "But the cops got him, I think."

"Was he the only one you were with? Do you remember how you were supposed to get home tonight?"

The cold of the rain was starting to seep into her skin. Into her brain. She shivered as images started to play behind her eyelids.

_The boy's blonde hair was matted with blood. He hung lifeless from the seat belt of the overturned car. She could see two stretchers being loaded into an ambulance through the window behind him. She walked closer to one of the stretchers and peered into Charlotte's face, her flawless face marred with scratches, glittering glass dust across her forehead.  
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Alice's eyes snapped open and stared in horror at Charlotte.

Charlotte's gray eyes narrowed in concern. "What is it, sweetie?"

But Alice couldn't make herself speak. The cold dread brought on by what she had seen had settled into her bones.

A vibrating in her chest made her jump and she reached in the top of her dress to pull out a cell phone. Without looking at the screen, on auto pilot, she handed it to Charlotte. She kept playing the vision she had had over and over in her head. What was that? Some effect from the drugs? A hallucination?

Alice heard Charlotte answer her cell phone, but she felt like she was miles away.

When Charlotte hung up, she handed the phone back to Alice and explained that that was her cousin, Emmett, and that he was going to come pick her up. Apparently, he had heard from his friend, Seth, that Alice had been at the cliff. Emmett decided to call because he wanted to hear about how she got away, but then Charlotte had explained that Alice needed help.

"What kind of help did you tell him I needed?" Alice asked suddenly.

Charlotte stared knowingly into her eyes before reaching for a cigarette. "I think he'll figure that out once he sees you like this, love."

Alice's eyes shifted to glance out of the cave-like environment and over the horizon. The rain started to fall in the same rhythm as the waves of the ocean below them. It began to come down harder and when lightening lit up the sky, the rain turned into the ocean water. She panicked; if the rain was as thick as the ocean water, then how would she breathe?

"Jay, I-I think something's happening..." she heard Charlotte say, but she was muffled by the water that was filling up around them.

The boy who had saved her walked over and took her hand. He said something, but she couldn't make out what.

Numbness and darkness consumed her and she decided she was drowning. As she inhaled the water, she squeezed his hand as tightly as she could, squeezing her eyes shut and thinking of the brown and green swirls in his eyes.

Somehow, the feeling of his fingers between hers gave her hope that she could hold her breath long enough not to die under the pressure of the water.

Even after her grip loosened, he didn't let go.

They stood, waiting in the rain. None of them, apart from Alice, had any clue that in just mere hours, things would change forever.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> Thoughts? Review, please! Kindly let me know what you liked/what you didn't/if you're interested in reading more! This story is completely outlined and the first few chapters are written. I'm planning on posting every three weeks to one month so that I have enough time to edit properly and so that I don't disappoint anyone by not posting weekly or bi-weekly, which would be awesome, but is nearly impossible with my schedule. Thanks for giving it a shot!**


	2. How Things Are

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
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**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
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**Chapter 2: How Things Are  
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Two Years Later

_Alice_

The shrill beeping of her alarm was easy to disregard. She simply yanked it and the cord came out of the wall, the irritating red numbers disappearing.

Alice smirked sleepily and rolled over, burying her head into the soft pillow. For once, last night had been dreamless. She had slept soundly for the first time in months.

As she started to drift back into sleep, she felt her whole bed shaking and groaned.

"Emmett!"

Boisterous laughter filled the room and she grabbed the nearest thing to her-a book that had been on her night stand-and chucked it at where she thought he was standing.

"You missed!" he said, coming closer and sitting on the edge of the bed. "C'mon, Pix. Mom made pancakes."

"Why?" she murmured sleepily. She knew that Esme only made pancakes when it was a special occasion.

"Um... Dad and her anniversary, I think. She has chocolate chip ones, too."

She groaned again and forced her eyes open to look at his playful grin.

"Good morning, sunshine."

She let out a breath and sat up. "What sunshine? Forks doesn't know that sunshine exists."

"That's why I have _you_," he teased and she shoved him, her smile turning into a laugh.

"I'll be down in a sec. Don't eat all of it before I can get there, kay?" she told him and he held out his pinky to pinky swear to her.

"I won't. And hey... just a head's up... Bella and Edward and Mom are going to Florida to visit Bella's mom for the weekend and Dad's got a meeting in Seattle that he's going to be staying overnight for. We have the house to ourselves tonight and... I was thinking of having a few people over, if you were cool with it?"

Alice raised an eyebrow. "What _few people_ did you have in mind?"

He grinned guiltily. "Just some friends."

She bit her lip, considering what "some friends" would mean to Emmett. Emmett had a lot of friends.

"I'll do something else if you... you know... don't want me to tonight."

She saw a flash of concern in his eyes that she didn't like to see. Emmett was always very laid back and carefree and everyone loved him because of that. To see him being serious with her about something like that made her feel like she was talking to Edward or Esme or Carlisle instead of Emmett. Perhaps that's why she said it was okay.

"Have whoever you want over. I don't mind."

"Really?" His eyes lightened with excitement

"Sure." Just because he was having people over-probably to drink-didn't mean that she would have to drink, too. She could be at a party at her house-she loved to dance. "Sounds fun."

"This is why you're my favorite person ever. You get me," he winked.

After Emmett left, she jumped down off of her bed (literally; she liked to sleep high off of the ground and putting the bed up on risers gave her more room under the bed to store her shoes) and skipped over to her calendar. She picked up her pen and marked "15" on today's date, October 7, 2011.

It had only been about two weeks since Alice had moved in with the Cullen family. Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Emmett, and Edward's wife, Bella, had all been extremely supportive of her moving in with them and away from Olympia and everything that entailed.

Her thoughts started to swirl as she tried to block the memories. She gripped the bedside table as dizziness overcame her, squeezing her eyes closed to let it pass.

"Alice! There are like two pancakes left and Emmett's about to attack!" Edward yelled up to her, yanking her thoughts back to the moment.

She swallowed, her eyes wide, before taking in a breath. "Coming!" she yelled, sliding her feet into her slippers and racing away from that moment, heading downstairs into the bustling kitchen.

Carlisle was pouring coffee into a thermos, getting ready to go into work. Esme was already dressed for the day and would probably spend the afternoon packing for Florida. Emmett was ready for school already, but Edward was still in sweats and a t shirt as he sat at his spot at the table, two plates in front of him.

"Morning," Alice greeted, snatching the last two pancakes before Emmett had the chance. "Edward, where's Bella? She said she wanted to borrow a bathing suit for the trip.

"Bed, still. She was sick this morning, so I'm going to bring some toast up to her." He motioned to the second plate in front of him.

Alice nodded. "Let her know they're in my top dresser drawer and that she can help herself to whatever she wants, okay?"

Edward was twenty-two and had just started med school this year. His wife, Bella, was nineteen and had just graduated this past June. She and Edward had gotten married a few weeks after she had graduated high school and he had graduated from college. Now, she was going to college part time as he attended medical school.

The two had been surprised when they had found out that Bella had most likely gotten pregnant on their wedding night, but neither were upset about it. They were physically young, but they were old souls. Bella was studying to be a teacher, like her mom, but was also very interested in studying literature like Shakespeare-something Alice could respect, but not relate to so much.

Edward and Bella had found out last month, on Bella's birthday, that Bella was two months pregnant. She was nearing her third month now and they were living in the huge Cullen house until they could get their finances straight.

He smiled at Alice as she took the plate of pancakes with her, starting to head back up to her room to get ready for school.

"Thanks, Alice. I'll tell her!"

"Safe trip!" she called back.

She nibbled on the soft, fluffy pancakes as she picked out an outfit, styled her hair, finished her make up, and then looked at herself in the mirror._  
><em>

When she was finished getting ready, she rolled onto her bed and grabbed the journal Esme had suggested she kept.

_**I googled anything that might explain it. LSD trip. Hallucinations. Acid. Side effects. Flashbacks. No one on the internet seems to have been influenced by it this way.**_

**_I'm... able to admit, now, that I shouldn't have gotten into that stuff in the first place. I know I was mainly doing it because I didn't want to conform to what Dia and Dad wanted for me. Esme's helped me figure that out in just weeks... But these visions... they're kind of scary, sometimes. I mean, some of them are stupid... Emmett breaking a plate or Carlisle sleeping through his alarm and being late for work... those aren't as bad. But just yesterday, I had to beg Bella to let me go upstairs to get her purse for her instead of letting her go herself because I saw her fall. I didn't see if the baby got hurt, but she just... tripped. On the top step. Right before we were supposed to go out. She finally let me go get it for her, but it still freaks me out. What if I couldn't stop something terrible in time?_**

**_It's better not to know. And as much as I hate going behind Esme's back about it..._**

She blinked and stuffed her pen in her journal before closing it and sliding it back under her mattress. She then reached for a stuffed bear that sat on her bed. She pulled back a flap under the bear's paw and slid out a tiny bag of marijuana that she had gotten from Mike Newton at school. She had only been here two weeks, but it was easy to spot who could help her out.

"Hey, Pix! You almost ready?" Emmett called upstairs.

Alice slipped it into her back pocket and took one last look at herself in the mirror before gathering her things together.

She threw on a smile and stood up straighter.

"Coming!"

_Jasper_**  
><strong>

_"Jazz, you're gonna have to drive."_

_Sheets of rain. Blinding headlights. Too close._

Panic.

__"Jazz, watch out!"__

The swerve.

_Screaming._

_Glass busting._

_Flying._

The breath he took into his lungs pulled him upright.

His eyes darted around the dark room and for a minute, he forgot where he was.

_Basement. Rose's. Your new room for the time being._

He tried to control his breathing, hoping that he hadn't been screaming and waking everyone up. He retrieved his journal from under his pillow, flicked on the bedside lamp, and added more writing to a page that was already close to being filled.

**_I think the most frustrating part is that I can't... remember it. Not really. Fragments come to me in the form of nightmares and I've begun to start piecing things together, but it's not a lot. It's been years and I still can't even remember if we talked at all in our last moments. If he said anything important to me. If I was able to comfort him as he... died._**

**_Or if he was alone. God, I hope he wasn't alone. I hope I helped make it more... bearable? _**

**_Fuck. Why can't I remember?_**

_**...Or do I want to? Maybe it's my mind protecting me from something I know I won't be able to live with. I know that I blame myself for it... I was driving the car. But if he blamed me, too... hated me in those last moments... would I be able to stand it?**_

Jasper closed the journal that the therapist had suggested he kept. The only reason why he felt okay about keeping it was because Angela had said that she would never force him to read anything from it out loud to her and she would never read it, herself.

"It's just a way to get your thoughts down so that you can better pinpoint what you might want to talk to me about in our sessions," she explained, her voice alone more relaxed than he had ever felt in his life. "But _you_ make the decisions. You talk to me so that I can help you help yourself, not so I can solve your problems. This is something I really think will help you sort things out."

He flicked off the light again. So far, Angela had been right. Writing in his journal made him feel more...connected. It was like when his pen was scrawling things across the paper, he could solidify what was floating around in his head. He could ground it, see it, understand it so much better.

The dream had been a memory and the more he slept, the more vivid it kept becoming. This time, he could actually feel the glass shattering around him, puncturing his skin. He remembered now more than he had remembered that day, almost two years ago. His journal had an account of that day, too.

_He cried out and fell back against a pillow that was not his._

_"Jasper?"_

_His skin felt sunburned. It hurt to move. His bones ached. His neck was in a brace and he couldn't open his eyes the whole way._

_When he finally did open his eyes, the light around him was way too bright. He closed them. Opened them. Closed them. Opened them. Closed them._

_"Jasper, you're awake!"_

_He moved his eyes to look at the man sitting next to him on an orange chair._

_Dad?_

_He blinked again and an unfamiliar man was looking over him._

_"Dad?" he choked in a voice that was not his._

_His father moved closer to the bed, tears shining in pink-rimmed eyes. He had never seen Levi looking so unlike himself. Usually, his dad just didn't really give a fuck. He was laid back and he and Jasper got along fine... they were like roommates.  
><em>

_The man he didn't know shined a light into his pupils before scrolling something on a clipboard and then turning to talk to his father in a quiet tone._

_Jasper couldn't hear what the man was saying as he drifted in and out of consciousness. _

_Since Jasper's mother, Andrea, had left them-twice-Jasper's father, Levi, had lived up the bachelor role. Andrea was in Jasper's life at Christmas and Easter. The rest of the the time, Jasper was under Levi's roof and responsibility, which pretty much meant pitch in with chores and don't set the house on fire. It was the way that his mother had wanted it._

_When the other man walked away, Levi turned back to look at Jasper.  
><em>

_"I thought I lost you, son," he whispered, barely able to control the words coming out of his mouth. "I-I thought you were gone..."_

_And then he let a few tears leak from his eyes. Which scared Jasper immensely._

_"Dad?" he repeated weakly. His dad was always in 'cool uncle' mode. He couldn't remember the last time he saw him like this. It had to have been before Andrea had left. "...What happened?"_

_"You were in an accident," Levi explained gently, trying to pull himself together. "You went through the windshield. The glass shattered and cut into your arms and legs and when you slid across the pavement, it shredded your clothes and scraped your back and parts of your arms..." His voice trailed off as he realized what he was saying, as if he couldn't believe the words were leaving his mouth. _

_The unfamiliar man came back into Jasper's sight and Levi stopped talking, turning to the man.  
><em>

_"I'm Dr. Rodgers. I've been working with you since they brought you in. I need to ask you a few questions, okay?"_

_He nodded. What else could he do?  
><em>

_"Can you tell me your name?"_

_"Jasper Hale."_

_"How old are you, Jasper?"_

_Jasper swallowed. "Sixteen."_

_"What month is it?"_

_He thought for a moment. "August."_

_"Do you know what day it is?"_

_"Friday?"_

_The doctor nodded. "That was the last day you remember. It's Saturday, now. Jasper, can you tell me how you got here?"_

_"Dad said I was in an accident." He felt like he was on auto-pilot._

_"Do you remember it?"_

_Jasper thought for what seemed like a long time, but all he could remember was bright lights._

_"No."_

_The doctor nodded. "That's okay. Do you want to know the rest of what happened right now or do you need some time to process this?"_

_Doctor Rodgers was a tall man with dark gray hair that was slicked back. He looked to be about forty six or forty seven, if Jasper had to guess. He was clean-shaven and had prominent laugh lines and frown lines._

_"Now," he whispered._

_The doctor nodded. "You've been in the hospital since around four this morning. Shortly before that, you were in an accident, as your father started to explain. Luckily, as you hit the pavement, you passed out and so you didn't thrash around while this was happening or try to brace yourself, which would have made things even worse. You suffered from whiplash, which is why your neck is in a brace, and as the paramedics arrived at the scene, you slipped into a coma. It's been almost thirteen hours... It's a little past five in the evening on Saturday right now. You came in and out of consciousness a few hours ago, which was a sign that you might wake up entirely."_

_Jasper blinked again and it hurt. He couldn't remember..._

_"Jasper? Do you have any questions for me right now?" Doctor Rodgers asked._

_"Why can't I remember the accident?"_

_The doctor was ready for that one._

_"You may be going through retrograde or psychogenic amnesia. It's very common with injuries like yours. You've suffered a lot of trauma and sometimes it takes your brain some time to catch up on what happened while your body heals. The memories may come back to you in a few days, a few weeks, months, or even years. It may come back all at once, in glimpses, or not at all. It depends on how your mind handles trauma."_

_He nodded, taking it all in. His was sure that he was still in some sort of shock._

"Jazz!" Charlotte screamed.

They locked eyes as the headlights behind her came closer to them. Too close.

_He blinked. "Pete and Charlotte were in the car," he blurted out._

_Doctor Rodgers nodded slowly.  
><em>

_"Are-are they... where are they?"_

_The doctor frowned and closed his eyes. "Charlotte's here. She's being released soon. Her major injuries have healed and I'm confident that she'll make a full recovery."_

_Relief surged through him and the tension he hadn't realized he was holding in his muscles made his body hurt less._

_"Has she seen Pete, yet?" _

_Doctor Rodgers shook his head and met Jasper's gaze. "Jasper, I'm afraid..."  
><em>

_"-No," Jasper whispered before he could finish._

_The doctor swallowed and stepped closer, carefully patting Jasper's hand. "I'm so sorry."_

_Hot tears burned the scratches on his face. He squeezed his eyes shut._

_Levi moved closer to him, but didn't touch him, for fear he'd cause him more pain._

Pete...no... no! NO!

_He didn't realize he was screaming until two nurses rushed in._

_"Jasper, please-" Levi was trying._

_One of the nurses fumbled with something next to his bed and shortly, he felt himself fading again._

_He liked the fading. That part didn't hurt.  
><em>

He had been fading more and more as the time without his best friend dragged on. He was certain, sometimes, that the only thing keeping him going was his need to look out for Charlotte. To be there for the one person who could begin to understand what he was feeling.

The accident had changed them both forever. As the months passed, he watched as Charlotte started to come alive again. The beginning was hard because she wouldn't talk. Not one word to anyone. But as time went on, she started to answer his questions with one word answers. Simple things, like would she like a glass of water? Or was she ready for him to walk her home?

One word answers turned into answers that came in sentences and eventually, she was the one who initiated conversation. The two tried their best to fit back into their lives, but Peter's death had taken chunks of life out of them that Jasper wasn't sure they would ever get back.

When Levi announced that they were moving, Jasper felt the first wisps of emotion entering him.

"No," he had declared simply, shaking his head. "I won't leave. Char needs me to be here." _And I need her._

Levi had shaken his head.

"When my dad-your Grandpa-died, he left us his house in Forks, close to where Rosalie and them live. I called Tiff and Rich and they're more than willing to put us up for a week or so while we get the house cleaned up and ready to live in. We need to get out of here, Jasper. Start over. We're leaving in three weeks."

Forks. He knew from visiting Rose and her family that it was a little more than three hours away. It was too far. If Charlotte needed him...

Lately, she hadn't been doing so well. She was drinking more and more often and the past few nights, she had slept over because he didn't trust her to be alone. He couldn't leave her in just three weeks.

But Charlotte hadn't been too upset when he told her what his dad wanted.

"We'll see each other on weekends, Jay. I'll come out and stay with you. It might be nice to have a place to go to other than this town. Somewhere where no one really knows us..." Her dull eyes stared through him.

He took her hand. "You sound a lot more into this idea than I am."

A smiled flickered on her face. "It just sounds...nice."

"Come with me." He was insistent. His father wouldn't care and he was sure Charlotte's parents would let her if they thought it would help her. But Charlotte shook her head.

"I have to stay."

Her words chilled him. He kept trying, but it was clear to him that she wasn't going to move with him. All he could do was hang on to the hope that she would keep her end of the deal-they would see each other on weekends and check in with each other every night.

And so here he was.

Jasper rolled over to glance at the clock and saw that it was about five in the morning. He didn't have to be up for school for another hour and a half or so, but he also couldn't get his mind to calm down enough to go back to sleep after his dream.

He lay there and wondered what he would have to do to pass his senior year at Forks High. Today was Friday and his first day there, even though they had been here since Monday. He hadn't been to school yet and he was already hating it. He would be the new kid, so he'd have to deal with people who wanted to welcome him and make him feel comfortable as well as people who wanted to make sure he knew where he stood in social status.

It was all stupid bullshit and he could care less what others thought; he just wanted to go to school so he could come home, sleep, and make it through this last year. Once it was over, he was out. Gone. Back to Olympia to get Charlotte and then he would convince her that they needed to get out of here. He was determined to find a place where she could be at peace. He owed her that after the torment he had caused her.

He finally rolled out of bed forty-five minutes later and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge next to his dresser. He got dressed in a long sleeved shirt and pants without looking in a mirror and then ran a comb through his hair before heading upstairs to the kitchen.

"I was hoping you were up. Royce'll be here in a few minutes and you're riding in with us. You'll be ready, right?" Rose threw at him as soon as he entered the room.

He nodded shortly. "Ready now. Where's Levi?"

"Dad and him went out to get some things for your new place." She flipped her hair behind her shoulder and stood up, grabbing her bag from the chair next to her. "Um... yeah. Breakfast." She looked around the kitchen. "Did you want some? I think we have poptarts in the cupboard... that'll be fast enough..."

"I'm... not much of a morning person. I'll be fine til lunch."

She shrugged and he followed her out to the foyer to throw on a jacket just as Royce pulled up.

The first day was a blur. Jasper followed the crowds from class to class, not talking to anyone, keeping to himself. At lunch, he sat with Rosalie and Royce and their friends, but stared at his tray of soggy pizza the whole time.

_Take it step by step. Just get through this period. Then the next. Then the next..._

He guided himself through the day this way, sucked into his own little world.

At the end of the day, he felt like he could breathe a bit better. No one had talked to him more than a "Hello" or "Nice to meet you" and he had survived having to stand up in front of the class seven times to say his name. He couldn't wait to get back to the basement and sleep for the rest of the night.

"So tonight... Cullen's having a party. I think we should go," Royce announced as Jasper sat in the back of Royce's silver Audi with his eyes closed.

Since the accident, he had done everything he could to avoid being in a car. Every time he had no other choice, his palms started sweating and he had to focus on controlling his breathing. They had stopped at least six times in the three hour drive from Olympia to Forks just so Jasper could get out of the car and gather his bearings. He could barely be a passenger anymore and he hadn't driven himself since that night two years ago when he had killed his best friend.

"Mmm... I don't know," Rosalie answered, tapping her fingernails against the glass of the window.

"He invited you, didn't he?"

"He mentioned it."

"Then we have to go."

"You just want to go so you can show me off and rub it in Emmett Cullen's face that you have me and he doesn't," Rosalie called him out.

Royce smirked. "I don't think that's a bad thing," he said, reaching to take her hand.

He looked in the rear view mirror. "What do you say, Jasper? You up for it?"

Jasper blinked his eyes open and shook his head. "I don't think so, man. Not tonight." _I just need to sleep._

Rosalie smiled. "Two against one."

Royce was determined, though. By the time they pulled into the driveway, he had convinced Rose to go with him for a few hours.

Jasper napped from four to eight and then woke up sweating, not remembering what he had dreamed. He made his way upstairs and grabbed a snack-pack pudding from the fridge just as Rosalie came downstairs in dark, shiny, blue dress, her heels making her taller than him.

"Hey, Jazz!" she greeted with a smirk, eying him up and down. "You're not dressed for a party!"

"'Cause I'm not going to a party," he told her groggily, taking in her glassy eyes and relaxed stance. "You've obviously already started, though."

She chuckled and nodded. "Just a _few_ shots while getting ready." She stumbled in her heels as she walked to grab her purse from the foyer. "You sure you don't want to come?"

"I'm fine," he insisted, but he was starting to get a bad feeling in his stomach that he usually ignored. Should he let his cousin go out like this? What if Royce decided to drink, too? Aw, fuck.

"How are you getting home?" he heard himself asking.

She blinked. "Hmm?"

"Tonight. After the party. Who's bringing you home?" he repeated, slightly annoyed that he had to clarify what he meant.

"Don't know. Royce, I assume. Unless he disappears like he sometimes does and Emmett's a gentleman enough to let me stay over," she bit her lip as her cheeks became rosier. A smile he had never seen from her before crossed her face briefly before she hid it again. "We'll see."

He let out a long breath. He couldn't let her go out like this without dwelling over if she'd get home okay. He couldn't trust her with Royce or this Emmett dude, either.

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Give me five minutes. I'm coming."

She smiled brilliantly, slightly surprised. "Really? Okay, Jas-per. I'll wait."

He shook his head as he headed downstairs to change his shirt quickly, making sure to keep his eyes focused on anything but his torso. He didn't need to relive those memories right now. Not tonight.

_Maybe it... won't be so bad._ He thought to himself. Rosalie _was_ actually kind of humorous when she was drunk... she didn't have as much of the attitude she normally did. _Just... relax. You're just going to some stupid high school party._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> Early post because it was ready. Thanks for your feedback/story alerts from the last chapter! Please review this chapter and kindly let me know what you liked/what you didn't/if you're interested in reading more! As I said after Chapter 1, this story is completely outlined and the first few chapters are written. I'm planning on posting every three weeks to one month so that I have enough time to edit properly and so that I don't disappoint anyone by not posting weekly or bi-weekly, which would be awesome, but is nearly impossible with my schedule. Thanks for continuing to read and I'm looking forward to hearing from you in a review!  
><strong>


	3. Reuniting

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
><strong>

**Chapter 3: Reuniting  
><strong>

Royce hadn't been drinking, as Rosalie had, so Jasper didn't feel uncomfortable about that part of the drive. The discomfort came because he was going to babysit his cousin at a party when he had sworn off stupid shit like that ever since the accident.

_At least I'm getting out of the house... __And maybe I can do this...help her...keep her safe..._

The Cullen house was just as big as the Hale house and it was only about a ten minute drive away. He had had just enough time to get tense during the ride, his muscles tightening, fingers clenching the handle of the door. _  
><em>

Now, a few hours later, he was sitting in a living room fighting the same claustrophobic symptoms that he had in the car and he didn't know why. Because there were too many people? Or was it the two beers that Royce had managed to get him to drink? Shouldn't that have calmed him?

He wasn't sure. He just knew that the music was too loud and it was infiltrating his thoughts. His heart pounded with the bass and he fought to breathe in the stale air.

A few labored breaths later, he forced himself to his feet and shoved past people to get to the front door. Air. He needed air.

After a collision with a guy at the door, he managed to push his way outside and onto the front porch. He sank to the ground, leaning against the side of the house and cradling his head in his hands.

_What is wrong with me?_

He took in deep breaths of the cooler outside air, not even caring about the secondhand cigarette smoke that weaved itself into his lungs. In fact, it reminded him of Charlotte and was oddly comforting.

He thought about calling her when a high pitched, though very deliberate noise of someone clearing their throat startled him into turning his eyes up toward the source of the sound. He was met with a pair of the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen.

Her eyes looked at him warily, as if she was guilty of something she didn't want him to know.

A strand of dark hair fell into one eye and she didn't bother moving it. "Are you okay?"

Jasper blinked at the clarity of her voice. Bells.

"Um...yeah..." he stood quickly, "Sorry...are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Okay? You look kind of freaked out. I-I didn't mean to scare you."

She turned her mouth up into a smile that didn't quite make it to her eyes.

"You didn't scare me."

The two stared at each other, both trying to recognize why the other looked so familiar.

They were interrupted when Rosalie and Royce joined them. The guy who Royce had pointed out as Emmett Cullen was following behind them. Rosalie fumbled with a lighter for her cigarette.

"I got it," Royce said, taking the lighter from her and then lighting it for her. He inhaled the smoke before exhaling slowly and handing it back to her.

Rosalie looked like a model as she smoked, leaning against the intricate, carved railing that surrounded the porch. She blew white-blue wisps into the darkness as Royce leaned on the railing next to her, his molasses-brown eyes glinting as he stared at Emmett and took Rosalie's hand in his.

Jasper raised an eyebrow, sensing Royce challenging Emmett.

Emmett took out his own cigarette, stole a guilty glance at Alice, and then shook his head before lighting it.

Rosalie blinked, as if she was suddenly remembering something. "Oh. Emmett... Alice... this is Jasper. My cousin. He's'taying with us. Just moved to Forks." The alcohol made her trip over her words.

Emmett and Alice shared the same look of concern, but both nodded to acknowledge him.

Jasper nodded back, but said nothing, watching as Alice narrowed her eyes at Rosalie.

"Royce, how much has she drank tonight?" she asked, stepping closer.

Rosalie blew her off, though, and stepped back. "I'm fine, Alice. Just enjoying myself. S'not illegal."

Alice mumbled something, but she didn't try to touch her again.

Jasper sensed Rosalie's hostility in the same way he sensed Alice's concern. He shook his head as the buzz started to kick in.

"C'mon, Jazz. Another beer? Beer pong against Emmett, here? He's a big guy, but he can be beat," Royce said, his eyes amused.

Emmett glared at him. "I'm undefeated."

"Not for long."

Jasper noticed Alice shift away from Royce, her eyes flashing a bit at Royce's tone.

"Maybe in a bit," Jasper lied, his voice low.

"It'll be fun. You and me against Alice and Emmett."

Emmett looked over at Alice pleadingly, silently begging her to say she'd do it. Jasper noticed then that Alice didn't look the least bit drunk.

Alice skipped over to Emmett and stood on her tip toes as she pulled him down to her level. She calmly whispered something in his ear and then reached for what was left of his cigarette.

He blinked in surprise as she took a hit of it, but Jasper couldn't figure out if it was because he wasn't used to seeing her smoke or because of what she had just whispered to him. But then a smile spread over his face as he turned to Royce.

"Me and Tanya against you and Rose. Deal?"

Royce shook his head, smirking. "Tanya? Absolutely a deal. We'll kick your ass, Cullen."

The three of them headed back in and Alice took a second hit of the cigarette before flicking it over the side of the railing.

She stared calmly at Jasper, taking him in. Ordinarily, he would have glared at anyone who looked at him that long - it made him anxious. But when he saw the way her cerulean blue eyes glowed as she took him in, he knew that he could never be so rude to someone whose eyes looked like that with just a little sliver of moonlight.

Alice held her hand out to him._  
><em>

Jasper was surprised at the way his hand reached of its own volition to meet hers. Her skin felt so cool and smooth that he found himself loosening his grip a bit, afraid that he might hurt her if he wasn't careful.

She led him onto a path in the woods behind Emmett's house and he followed, because he couldn't think of a reason not to. He watched as she tasted the air, her tongue peeking out to glide over her lips for the briefest of moments. He found himself doing the same, copying her movements and taking in the earthy taste of mud and leaves with a hint of pine. He hadn't noticed it until right now.

A smile crossed her face and it took him a moment to realize that it was for him.

"You've kept me waiting, you know."

"I'm sorry?"

"Rosalie told me you were coming a few days ago. I expected I'd meet you sooner."

"Guess not." He wondered how much Rosalie had told her. "Are you guys close?"

She shrugged, "Not yet. I just met her. But we will be." She blinked and paused then, as if she had something she didn't want to. He didn't push her to talk, though. He found himself enjoying their calm silence.

The two walked farther into the sound of crickets and further away from the clicking of ping pong balls against wooden flecks that were usually hidden by a flowered tablecloth.

"It's kind of comforting, isn't it?" she said softly, a few minutes later, as they walked.

"What is?"

"This." She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if relishing the purity of the air. "The way it's so dark, but we can still sense everything that's around us."

"Well, the little bit of moon helps," he said before he could stop himself. He bit his tongue and mentally winced at how harsh his words had sounded. He hadn't meant to be rude to her... it was a reflex. And the two beers he had had with Royce just made it all the more easier.

He waited for her retort, but she didn't say anything.

When he finally chanced a glance at her, he was surprised to see that she looked like she was holding back laughter as she stared up at the moon through the branches of the trees.

_Don't say anything,_ he instructed himself,_ You'll just sound even more like an asshole._

But he didn't have to say anything because Alice chuckled and nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I suppose it does. It's strange how sometimes you get so caught up in other senses and thoughts that you don't even see something as bright as the moon. It's like you just get so used to it being there that you don't even pay it notice and-" she stopped suddenly and offered him a quick smile. "Sorry, I... tend to ramble. Especially when it's late like this."

Jasper shook his head to dismiss her apology. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he kind of liked her rambling. Usually, people talking too much irritated him to the point where he'd find himself tuning out without even realizing it, which in turn would irritate the person who was talking and typically led to him being labeled as socially awkward.

But when Alice was doing it... he found himself enjoying hearing what she was saying and the way that she said it. She talked about the moon and the forest and not about stupid shit like _Jersey Shore_ and needing a manicure and how he was adjusting... things that had seemed to be around him nonstop since their move into the Hale house. Levi thought it was amusing. Jasper did not.

They walked along in silence again, then. Jasper noticed that the trees were starting to thin out a bit; the moon was becoming more visible.

"Well, this is about where I leave you."

He glanced in puzzlement at her, all the while noticing the way the moon brought out the ivory tones in her skin while her hair blended in with the night.

"In the middle of the forest?"

Her eyes twinkled as she pointed away from where they had just been walking. "No- at your house. Well, Rose's house, but I guess it's technically yours now, too. Are you staying there for long?"

He followed her finger to see that she had taken him on a path through the forest that came out in different part of the neighborhood. The Hale house was just a few feet away; he hadn't realized that she had been walking him home the whole time.

"No, just til we can move into my Grandpa's old house," he answered, "What about the party?"

She shrugged, "You didn't really seem like you wanted to be there. So now you're not."

He shifted at the idea that she had been able to tell that he had been uncomfortable. He was usually very good at hiding emotions like that.

Instead of thanking her, he simply asked, "Well, what about you?"

She shrugged again. "What about me?"

He felt a prick of irritation, but he wasn't sure why. It wasn't because of her.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Probably walk home." Her tone was casual as she crossed her arms in front of her, shielding herself from the breeze that had just picked up.

"Alone?"

"It's not far... and I know the woods," she assured him with a smile. "It was nice meeting you, Jasper."

As she said his name, he felt the need to touch her hand again. He held his own rough hand out, as if to shake hers, and she took it lightly.

"You, too. Alice."

They stood there, two lone figures in their own little moonlit world. Jasper felt his heart start humming along to the chirps of the crickets in the surrounding forest as he held her hand, feeling something he had never felt before. A connection. A promise. A feeling that was so real that he started to doubt it could be.

She took in a quick breath and let go of his hand, starting to back away. "Goodnight."

As she turned around, Jasper felt his voice doing what his hand had done earlier. "Wait-Alice!"

She whipped around to face him in a flash of hair and shining eyes.

"Are you... sure you're okay walking home by yourself? I feel like usually the guy walks the girl home, not the other way around."

_Wow, Jasper. Now you sound even more like a prick-she's going to think you're some controlling bastard who doesn't believe that women are capable of walking themselves home._

But Alice just smiled. "Well, I don't think it's fair to let you walk home by yourself, either."

He thought for a moment. "What if you called me? We can talk on the phone while you walk home and that way I'll know you got home okay."

"Without getting mugged or mauled by a bear, you mean?"

He found himself smiling at the playful tone in her voice. "Exactly."

Her eyes got bigger with excitement as she held out her hand. "Phone, please."

He handed her his cell phone and she plugged her number into his contacts. "Talk to you in a few seconds, then."

And with that, she handed him his phone and started walking away.

_**Alice. She's Rosalie's friend... and I can't help wondering about her. Who is she behind those blue eyes? She knew I needed to get out of there and she got me out without any drama. She got me back to the basement. We walked through the woods and talked about the moon and the whole time, I was worried about... I don't know... making sure I was talking right to her, you know? Like I didn't want to push her away as much as I've been doing to everyone else. I... I guess I wanted her to not hate me. Not right away.**_

_Alice; Earlier_

She fingered the small baggie in her pocket as James stood close to her on the porch outside of the Cullen house. "You know that's not enough, love."

His voice was low, not quite threatening, but not sympathetic either. Anger flashed through her.

"It's all I have right now, James. I'll pay you the rest next time, I promise."

"I can think of an alternative means of paying me, if you have an hour to spare?" he asked, his brown eyes burning into her so that she felt like he was seeing right through her clothes.

She swallowed and he smirked at her hesitation. "C'mon, Alice. It's nothing we haven't done before and your aunt and uncle aren't home...we have some serious catching up to do."

Her heart fluttered with warmth, but she quickly extinguished it. "We're not... catching up, James."

He blinked. "What did you say?"

She glared at him. "Two years, James. I was gone for two years and not once did you come see me or call me or even fucking write me. Nothing. No contact from you. And now as soon as I move in with my cousins, you suddenly appear. Why?"

He shrugged and his face softened a bit. "Because I... I missed you, Liss."

"There was nothing keeping you away from me, James." Her tone was sharp and final. "I'll get you the rest of the money in a few days."

She didn't mention that she needed the marijuana for the visions. She hadn't told anyone. But ever since the LSD trip two years ago, she had started having visions of the future. They frequented more often as time went on and weed was the only thing that kept them from coming as often. It was how she learned to control them. The more they came true, the more they freaked her out. Marijuana seemed to be the only thing that made them stay away... or at least not come as often.

She had promised Esme that she wouldn't do any of it anymore, but this was the one thing she hadn't let go of, yet. It was the one thing that actually _helped_ her stay away from anything else.

Before she could walk away, he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back. "Alice, wait."

She shook him off and stared up at him, silently hoping the fire in her eyes would shoot out and burn him, hurt him, the way he had hurt her by staying away.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he said, shifting uncomfortably. "I... I guess I was just... shit, Alice. I don't know. It was weird, okay? You're in rehab and your parents are trying to blame me for it because I was the one you were getting shit from and it was just... a lot to take in. I was... afraid to make contact with you because I didn't want you parents to be involved and maybe that makes me a coward, but I just..." he trailed off and shook his head. "It was rough on me, too, you know? Being away from you? But you're back now and your parents aren't around and... I just want to get to know you again."

She eyed him warily, not believing that he was saying the very things she had hoped to hear.

"I don't know, James..."

"Well, what do you need from me, baby?" he asked, moving closer to her and slowly moving to wrap his arms around her waist. She didn't brush him off. "You want me to spot you on some of this til you get shit straightened out? 'Cause I'll do that for you... 'cause that's what people do when they love each other, right? They do things for each other."

She gazed questioningly at him as her body responded to his fingers rubbing circles on her back. "Love?"

He smiled. "I think so, Liss. Even after two years, I can only think about you and how much fun we used to have. The way I'd do things for you and you'd do things for me... we always just sort of clicked and I want to get back to that."

"What kind of things did I ever do for you?" She narrowed her brow, not really remembering correctly. Some of the things involving drugs were really fuzzy for her, especially after the treatment. She couldn't even remember the last night she had been with him. The night the visions had started.

He seemed surprised by the question. "Well... whatever I'd need you to do, right?"

She wasn't sure. "I guess..." When they would do shrooms together or party, she did whatever he wanted because it was fun for her. But the longer she was sober, the more she began to question how much of what they had done was actually good.

All she knew for sure was that she was really confused right now. There were holes in her memory of who she had been two years ago. Some things were clearer than ever and other things took some time to come back to her.

"And you would now, too, if I asked you for something, wouldn't you?" His voice was cautious, testing.

She blinked and stepped back from his embrace. "I can't...answer that, James. What kind of something?"

He shook his head, backtracking. "Nothing specific right now. I just... need you to still love me, Alice. To forgive me for being an ass and to just... search your heart for the same love I feel for you."

"I-I do," she whispered, "Love you, I mean."

His face hardened and he stepped back away from her, closing his emotions off again. "Do you? Or is it just you wanting to use me because you know I can get you stuff cheap."

She flinched at the lack of contact. "No, James. I... I want to try to get to know each other again. Please..."

He shrugged and glanced down to where she was clutching the baggie as if it were a rare and precious gemstone. Then, he turned away from her and started to walk back inside.

"We'll work on it, then. Tomorrow night. I'll meet you. Bring what you owe me plus whatever else you want and we'll... catch up."

He turned around to meet her gaze before going inside and she nodded. "Tomorrow."

James gave her a smile that made her heart skip before disappearing back into the house.

Alice remained frozen to that spot for the next forty-two seconds, and then jumped as a guy stumbled outside.

At first, she wondered if maybe James had come back, but she realized immediately as she looked at him that it wasn't James.

James was of average height - taller than Alice's four eleven, with long dirty blonde hair. As she eyed this person, she estimated that she'd probably come up to his shoulder. She was up to James' chin.

James also had sharper features, darker eyes. This man in front of her had soft features and she had caught a glimpse of his haunted green eyes.

Overall, James was confident; this person was falling apart.

She made sure he was okay and then as they stared at each other, she got lost in his eyes. _Where have I seen those eyes before?_

Rosalie, Royce, and Emmett coming outside startled her. She was even more surprised to see Emmett smoking. She had never smelled smoke on him before, but then she concluded that he probably only smoked when he drank.

_Well, I only smoke when I'm stressed,_ she thought to herself as she borrowed the last two hits of his cigarette, calmly suggesting that Tanya battle in beer pong instead of herself. Drinking would go against her promise to Esme. They were already screwed if Esme and Carlisle happened to find out about this little get-together that Emmett had thrown; there was no way that Alice would let him take full blame for it. She hoped it wouldn't come to that, though.

She was certain that Emmett took her smoking his cigarette as either her being drunk, too, or her trying to take it off of him so that he wouldn't finish any more of it. Emmett was protective of Alice, but Alice was just as protective of Emmett. It wouldn't be unusual for her to stop him from finishing it just to finish it herself; she cared more for him than for herself and he knew it and hated it. He wished she thought more highly of herself.

After they had retreated back in for the beer pong game, Alice knew that she had to distract Jasper. The poor guy looked like he was about to lose it.

He was much more tranquil out in the woods. She enjoyed his presence... the way that he breathed the forest in and breathed out a wave of serenity. It was catching. She soon found herself opening up a bit, rambling on to him about things that were beautiful, but not personal. She appreciated the beauty around her, but did not feel her personal life was part of that beauty.

Jasper _listened_, which surprised her. James had always talked more than he listened and when he was listening, he was usually multi-tasking by trying to get her shirt off in the process.

_James._ A flare of guilt shot through her again. She could tell that James wasn't sure if she loved him... how could she prove it to him? Certainly not this way... by being here with Jasper like this. If James saw her holding his hand as she guided him... or the way her whole being felt calmer when he squeezed her hand lightly... the way she couldn't help meeting his gentle gaze with one of her own...

She took in a quick breath and let go of his hand, even though every part of her was screaming at her to never let go of him. The first part of getting her life back together, she decided, was to get James back.

"Goodbye."

But he called her back. It was like he sensed, on some level, that she was panicking. And before she knew it, she was walking away from him, clutching her phone and waiting for it to vibrate with his call.

_If James sees his number in your phone, he's done with you._

When a new number came up on her phone about a minute into the woods, she let it go to voice mail and ignored the pangs in her stomach that were telling her it wasn't fair to do this to Jasper.

He was a nice guy, albeit a little quiet. But he didn't deserve to be friends with someone who was as undecided as she was. Someone who needed a hit from a pipe to calm her nerves enough not to have visions of the future. Someone who had driven herself to insanity because of all the psychedelics she had played with before she had even turned eighteen. Someone who was broken.

In her mind, Jasper did not need someone like Alice Brandon.

She swallowed her sadness when she saw the text as she reached her house again.

_Thanks for tonight. Hope you made it ok? -Jasper_

She bit her lip and texted back quickly.

_Phone's about to die. Sorry. I made it. Thanks. -A_

Alice took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Liar.

She squeezed her eyes closed for a minute, trying to regain herself, and then she made her way into the house.

A few people lingered around, but most were gone. She was surprised, but felt the energy in the air. Something had happened.

Her eyes darted around the room, taking in a broken plant, hundreds of red cups, and the sweet, stale smell of booze.

A sob from the corner of the room drew her closer and she saw Rosalie looking utterly disheveled.

"Rose?" Alice hurried over to her. "Rosalie, what happened?"

"Alice?" She looked up through drying tears. "Emmett and Royce... they were fighting... I shouldn't have gotten in the way... Can you... get me home, please?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Did Emmett hurt you?" He was huge and Alice knew that sometimes his temper could get the best of him, but she couldn't fathom him getting so out of control that he would hurt Rosalie. Especially since she knew he was secretly in love with her.

She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Not Emmett."

_Royce._

All of Alice's thoughts about proving to James that she loved him or taking Jasper home vanished in that moment. Her only concern was making sure that she got Rosalie home, safely.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> Another early post. I couldn't hold off on letting them meet again! ;) Thanks for the feedback/story alerts! Please review this chapter and kindly let me know what you liked/what you didn't/if you're interested in reading more!**

**My goal is to post at least every three weeks, but if it's ready sooner, you bet I won't be able to resist posting. Thanks for continuing to read and I'm looking forward to hearing from you in a review! =)  
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	4. Afraid of the Dark

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
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**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
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**Chapter 4: Afraid of the Dark  
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Alice had never seen beautiful, glamorous, conceited-with-a-reason-to-be Rosalie this way.

They sat on the linoleum in the Hale's kitchen, Alice's back pressed against the cabinet under the kitchen sink as she watched Rose carefully. She was only able to see her because of the porch light outside that shone in through the window of the back door. That and the blue-green of the time on the microwave.

Her fingers itched to call Carlisle - or even Edward - but Rosalie's calm "No," had stopped her.

She wanted to ask Rose what she should do for her, but she had a feeling that talking was not something Rosalie wanted to do right now.

Rosalie rubbed at her eyes, smudging the black mascara over the hot bruise that was scorched across one of the cheek bones that shaped her otherwise flawless face. Knotted gold locks cradled her, curling in at her chin and over her shoulders. Her eyes were murky, like the ocean at night; one would hardly be able to tell that they were blue.

Staying with Rosalie right now was good, but they couldn't sit there forever. That would take a lot of patience-something that Alice had very little of. She finally stood up and stared down at where Rose stayed, her legs sprawled out in front of her with her scratched hands resting on her thighs.

"If you won't let me call anyone, then I'm going to run you a bath," Alice said quietly, trying to keep her voice calm.

With no protest from Rosalie, Alice just nodded and started to walk down the hallway. The pipes upstairs sometimes whistled before hot water would come pouring out of them; she remembered that from a few days ago, when she had stayed over at Rosalie's after school to work on a project.

Alice didn't want to risk waking Rose's parents from it, so she decided to go down into the bathroom that was right off of the game room in the basement. The basement was a place where they had all hung out almost every day since she had been here. Emmett or Royce -never both at the same time - would come over with Alice and they would all play Wii Bowling or watch movies. The guys and Rosalie would sneak liquor from Rose's parents' collection while they played and if it was Royce, that would lead to them making out while Alice wandered over to the corner to sketch.

She breathed in the smell of stale cigarette smoke as she got to the bottom of the stairs, grateful that she wasn't as clumsy as Bella. She felt bad that the poor girl was pregnant - she'd have to be extra careful to not accidentally hurt herself and the baby because she tripped over her own feet. Alice knew Edward would look out for her, but still. Even after only really getting to know her in the past two weeks, Alice knew that Bella wouldn't have made it downstairs so stealthily.

Alice let her eyes adjust, and then moved through the darkness that was pushing against her from all sides. _You're okay_, she thought to herself, _Remember how huge this basement is. The walls are not closing in. And it's warm.  
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As soon as she reached the bathroom door, she slid her hand in and flipped on the light switch before entering. The whiteness blinded her even more than the dark had and she squeezed her eyes shut against it as she stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

She moved to start to fill the bathtub quickly, not wanting to leave Rosalie by herself for too long.

_Had Royce done all of that to her?  
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She grimaced and then poured some bath oils into the water. She had called Emmett on their walk over to Rosalie's house to find out what had happened.

"Stupid fucker... doesn't know his own strength... show off... shouldn't have kept going... hurt her... my fault... she's okay?" Emmett was clearly upset and not making sense as he strung his thoughts together and tried them out loud to Alice.

Alice imagined the fire in his eyes. "Take a breath, Emmett. I'm gonna help her, okay?" She wasn't good at taking care of herself, but she could take care of others.

"I wanted to call Dad or Ed or someone, but she wouldn't let me and I was drinking so I couldn't... Alice, I'm so sorry..." His voice was muffled as she was sure he had buried his head in his hands.

"It'll be okay, Em. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow, okay? Drink some water and get some sleep."

"Thank you for doing this," he mumbled into the phone.

"Looking out for each other," she said softly, before hanging up. He had helped her years ago, when things had first started to change.

As she ran the bathwater, now, she remembered back to that day.

_She gasped as she woke, sitting straight up and glancing around her. _Where am I?

_"Shh, baby, you're okay. Calm down, Alice."_

_There was a warm rag being pressed against her forehead. She sucked in air, trying to catch her breath. "Wh-where am I?"_

_"_Calm_, sweetie. You're safe. You're okay."_

_She turned her blue eyes to the woman in front of her and tried to focus. "Aunt Esme?"_

_Esme smiled kindly, her soft features warm and welcoming. Her chocolate eyes were trying to hide her extreme concern._

_Alice looked around again and crossed her arms as she shivered._

_Esme pulled a heavy quilt up around her. "Can you sip on water, sweetheart?"_

_She swallowed, realizing her throat was dry, and nodded as Esme slid a glass into her hands._

_Alice sipped quietly, trying to remember why Esme was there and why she felt like shit._

_"Honey, Emmett brought you here late yesterday night. You were in pretty bad shape. Do you remember what happened last night?"_

_Alice concentrated, but couldn't recall. "I was getting ready to go to a party with... friends." Her parents didn't know she had had boyfriends or that she had been seeing James lately._

_"What happened at the party?"_

_It was like there was a wall or a locked door to that part of her memory. She couldn't remember anything past getting ready for the party. She shook her head._

_"I'm sorry. I-I can't remember..." Tears welled up in her eyes and she sniffed. "Am I in trouble?"_

_Alice could smell Esme's warm vanilla scent as she moved to sit closer to her on the bed. Esme was her mother, Ava's, sister. Ava had died in a car accident when Alice was eleven and Alice's father had remarried Claudia when she was twelve. Esme had always been more like a mother than Claudia._

_Esme reached her hand up to brush a strand of hair out of Alice's face. "Alice, honey, everyone thought it would be best if you and I talked alone before anything happened..."_

_"Before what happened?" She narrowed her eyes, concerned. "Esme? What is it?"_

_"Baby, Emmett talked to some of the people you were with last night... the ones who were with you when he picked you up. You weren't yourself and they were really worried about you. When he brought you back here, you were so afraid and shaking... you were soaking wet and you kept mumbling things..." She took in a deep breath. "Carlisle said he's seen behavior like that from some of the patients he's seen who were on drugs and on some sort of bad trip. Honey, I want you to tell me the truth... have you been doing drugs? What's going on, Alice?"_

_Alice leaned back on the pillow behind her and sipped more of the water, too ashamed to look Esme in the eye. She had been drinking and getting high with friends since she was thirteen. She had met James two years later, at her fifteenth birthday party, and he had become part of their group of friends._

_Recently, James had been getting them harder stuff. No needles or anything like that... but a few weekends ago, she and him had done shrooms together and then the following weeks, they had done it with friends. He had been talking about trying to get them LSD, next._

_She blinked, wondering if that's what they had done last night. She usually remembered most of what they had done while on the mushrooms... if they had done LSD, why couldn't she remember it? Had it been that terrifying, like Esme said?_

_"I'm fifteen, Aunt Esme," she shrugged, "I know it's not legal for me to be drinking or anything, but it's not unusual either, is it?" Alice didn't want to lie to Esme, so she figured she'd keep her answers short and sweet._

_"No, it's not unusual... But Alice... you weren't acting drunk, sweetie, or even high. This was something else," she said confidently, but in a way that was trying to coax Alice into opening up and letting her in._

_Esme wanted to know what was going on because she cared about Alice, not because she wanted to punish her, like Alice was sure her stepmother would want to do. If this were up to Claudia and Steven, Alice's father, she would be getting sent to some summer finishing school or something to train her how to be a 'proper lady' instead of a screwed up teen girl._

_"I'm not addicted to drugs," she told Esme firmly._

_"Okay, you're not addicted to them... have you experimented with them?"_

_Now Esme had asked her flat out. Was there a way to dance around this question?_

_Nope._

_Alice looked up from the floor and met Esme's steady, yet concerned gaze._

_"I'm really tired, Aunt Esme. Can we talk later?" Her voice was small, but her tone was final._

_"Alice, I know this is hard to talk about, but you've got to be honest with me. When have I ever let you down?" Esme coaxed, running her fingers through Alice's hair._

_She had just woken up again just minutes earlier. Her brain wasn't entirely turned on, yet._

_"If I say yes, Dia and Dad'll send me away. I don't want to go away," she whispered.  
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_"What if I promise you that won't happen?"_

_"No one can promise that."_

_"_I_ can. But you have to trust me."_

_"I do trust you." Alice had always loved and trusted both Esme and Carlisle. Their sons, Edward and Emmett, were more like brothers than cousins to her. The only downfall was that they lived a few towns away from one another, so Alice only got to see them during holidays, though she and Emmett talked online often.  
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_"If you trust me, can you confide in me? No one's going to judge you or yell at you or anything like that. But for your health and safety and because I love you and care about you, I need you to open up with me. Have you been experimenting with drugs, Ali?"_

_Alice was entirely sober and coming off of some drug she couldn't remember doing. She was thirsty and her fingers and toes were ice cold. And now her aunt was giving her the third degree._

_And all she could think about was how much easier this intervention would be on her if she were high._

_She sat up as the thought entered her mind. Her aunt was asking her if she was on drugs, and the only thing she could think of is that she should be high for this._

_She looked at the way Esme was watching her so carefully and she saw her mother in her eyes and her face... The two had the same pale skin and rosy cheeks, the same soft waves in auburn hair... and both looked at her with more love than she had ever seen from anyone else. Esme, looking so much like Ava, broke her._

_The tears rolled down her cheeks before she could stop them and her throat ached as she tried to hold in sobs._

_"Oh, honey. Come here," Esme reached her arms out and Alice folded herself into them._

_The warm vanilla scent surrounded her as she buried her face into Esme, shaking with emotions. She was afraid of what this whole thing would mean. She didn't want to leave James and her friends.  
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_Esme stroked her hair and held her close. "It's okay, sweetie. We're going to help you feel better. Things are going to turn around. I promise."_

_Alice couldn't see how and wasn't sure if she wanted things to turn around. She had made things work just fine so far._

_"If you're willing, we'd like you to come stay with us for a while," Carlisle told her later, after she had taken a shower and was sitting in freshly washed clothes that Esme had done for her while she had slept.  
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_"She'll never let you," she whispered. If it had been anyone else, she would have lied and said that she didn't need to feel better or turn things around. Everything was okay. She was okay._

_But she did trust Esme and Carlisle. In her heart, she knew she wasn't okay... but how could the Cullens have any influence over what her parents dictated?_

_"You let us worry about that, Alice." Carlisle told her softly, putting a hand on her shoulder._

__Could it be possible that she had a chance to move away from Dia and Steve's house? It might be worth leaving her friends behind, if it meant getting away from her parents.  
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_"Just promise... that if we do this for you, you'll help us help you," Esme said kindly, her eyes worried. "You're a beautiful girl, Alice, and you're so smart. You have so much going for you, but I don't think you're able to see that at home."_

_Alice had nodded weakly, starting to feel tired again. Everything was happening so fast, but she knew she could figure it all out later. "I promise."_

_Esme and Carlisle had held true to their promise, even if it had taken an extra two years to fight for her. They hadn't won at first, and Alice had had to endure Claudia and her father's idea of recovering-something she wouldn't let herself think about right now-but after two years, Esme and Carlisle were the reason why she was out of that place and finally living with them. They and her cousins continued to try to help her today._

Though she would have taken care of Rosalie even without Emmett being involved, she still felt good knowing that she could be the one to help put his mind at some ease.

Alice still wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but she had gathered enough to know that something had happened between Emmett and Royce that had caused the plant to shatter and Rosalie to end up bruised and scratched as she was. She said Emmett hadn't hurt her, so that could mean that Royce _had_... maybe Rosalie was trying to defend Emmett from Royce? Why would she do that?

As the raspberry-scented steam filled the room, she stood up to go get Rosalie. If anything, getting cleaned up would hopefully make her tired enough to get some sleep. They could talk more in the morning and figure out where to go from there.

As soon as she opened the bathroom door, the darkness reached out and consumed her, freezing the blood in her veins. It swept her off of her feet and she knew that she'd be powerless to stop the vision-so she gave in and let the wave take her under.

_She was back in the kitchen. Blue-green 3:33 glowed in the background. A silhouette of Rosalie dug through the drawers of the kitchen until she found what she was looking for. She took the knife carefully. Alice watched over her shoulder now as she put the silver to her wrist. They both gasped_

and Alice felt like hot candle wax was dripping onto her wrist, yanking her out of the vision so quickly that she was dizzy. Her wrist throbbed with the heat, but she couldn't call it pain-in fact, she felt breathless: exhilarated.

Purple dots flickered in front of her eyes as a face appeared out of the shadows in front of her. Was the face real or another figure from the visions? She couldn't tell.

"Alice?"

"Yes?" she murmured, blinking furiously to try to clear the dots away. She was on the basement floor, she knew that much. Who was here with her?

"Alice?" the voice whispered again. She recognized it this time.

"Jasper?" She shook her head and her pupils finally focused, revealing the man in front of her. "Jasper...what are you doing here?"

In the darkness and in her haze, she wouldn't have been able to see the concern in his eyes, but it was there as she tried to figure out why he would be in Rosalie's basement.

"I was thinking of asking you the same thing, darlin'." His voice was smooth, low, soothing. It melted the lingering ice chips that had still been floating through her bloodstream from the vision. "Didn't you just tell me you got home safely like a half hour ago?"

Her wrist was suddenly cold again and she looked down to see Jasper unclenching his fingers from where they had been locked around her arm. She touched the skin and though it was still warm, it wasn't the same heat as it had been when the knife in the vision had... had...

Her eyes widened and she sprang to her feet, standing just centimeters away from Jasper. "Rose-" she breathed before darting toward the stairs.

"Alice?" Jasper called, but his voice was far away to her.

She took the stairs two at a time, hopping up them as fast as her tiny legs would carry her. _What time is it?_

As she entered the kitchen, she saw the clock first-3:34-and then she saw Rosalie on the floor.

"Rose, no!" she whimpered, running over and falling next to her, instinctively reaching out to grab her wrist.

She felt Jasper come in behind her and the tension in the room was so dense that she could hardly inhale.

"Rosalie?" he whispered, kneeling down next to Alice, his eyebrows knitted.

Alice couldn't feel anything but the smoothness of Rosalie's skin. No wetness, no warmth...

Rosalie sat up and scowled and looked from Alice to Jasper. "Why is he here?"

Her tone bit into the tension, loosening it enough that Alice could move again. She brought both of Rosalie's wrists to eye-level and then set them gently on Rosalie's thighs, staring at her. "B-but... but I saw..."

Alice and Rosalie stared at each other until Alice realized what had happened. "You..."

Rose held up the tiny hemp bracelet, now cut in half, that Royce and she had made together.

"It wouldn't come off when I pulled at it. I tried to get it off of me, but it was tied too tight. I had to cut it..." Rosalie's voice was weak, sounding dull in the thickness of the air. Alice heard the tears fill her voice again.

"I turned the water off in the tub downstairs," Jasper said quickly, before Rosalie could say or do anything more that they both knew she would hate herself for later. "It should be ready."

Alice nodded as she and Jasper helped Rosalie stand up. Most of Rosalie's weight leaned into her cousin as he helped her get down the stairs, Alice slightly in front of them, guiding.

When they got to the bathroom, Rosalie jerked away from Jasper. "I can do it from here," she said sharply, more energy in her voice than Alice had heard since she had gotten there.

"Okay," he agreed quickly, "Let us know if you need anything."

She glared at him until he walked away and then she looked at Alice.

"Royce is an angry drunk... so am I when I want to be... I-I don't know what happened, really. He was so mad..." she trailed off, her eyes looking to the floor. "I guess it's over."

Alice wasn't sure what to say, so she just reached out and touched her arm lightly.

Rosalie tried a smile and then turned, entering the bathroom. "Thank you."

"Sure, Rose. Anytime."

"Alice?" she said once again, before Alice had a chance to turn away.

"Yeah, Rose?"

"Please don't tell Emmett anything else about tonight. About what happened after you brought me back home. I-I just... don't want this whole thing getting out to people."

Alice bit her lip and nodded. "If that's what you want."

Rose nodded and then closed the door with a click of the lock, leaving Alice alone in the darkness of the basement.

_Not alone_, she reminded herself as panic started to fill her chest again. _With Jasper._

She wondered if he would want to talk to her or if she should just leave. She wanted to leave so she could go upstairs and smoke what she had gotten from James while Rosalie was in the bath. That way, she'd know that at least for the rest of the night and tomorrow morning, she wouldn't be stricken with another vision. Then, she could figure out how to help Rose and how to prove her love for James...

Before she went to head upstairs, though, Jasper was standing in front of her again in the dark.

Alice was surprised to find that she wasn't irritated that he was keeping her from smoking. She waited for him to ask what had happened earlier, when she had passed out with her vision, but he never did. They stood there, surrounded by anticipation, before Alice felt the heat of Jasper's fingers touch her icy ones.

Their hands melted together and he gently led her further into the now soft darkness of the game room. Her hand clenched his as he led her forward, and then he squeezed it briefly before they let go.

She waited as he struck a match-once, twice, thrice-before the flame roared to life. He quickly brought it to a _Glade_ candle that was sitting on the coffee table. He could have just as easily flipped the light switch, but that would probably really obvious if Rosalie's parents decided to check on him. And anyway, she liked the way the candle made the room look.

The glow of just that one flickering flame was enough for Alice to make out the shapes of what was around her. Where the couch had been was now a bed-a fold-out, she realized- and next to the entertainment center, there was a dresser. A few bags were piled in front of the dresser and a shirt was flung on top of them.

"Hope you're not afraid of the dark," Jasper said, glancing around. "Didn't want to turn on the fluorescent ones they have down here. Something about fluorescent lights... it's depressing, you know?"

She nodded, agreeing about the lights, but also half admitting her fear of the dark. The dark was where the visions hid.

"You come to stay with them and they put you in the basement?" Alice asked him quietly, changing the subject and trying to joke, but feeling like it had fallen flat.

The left corner of his mouth twitched slightly. "It's supposed to give me my space for the week," he said, obviously quoting something that Rosalie's parents had said. "My dad's staying in their guest room, so... I'm here."

Alice shrugged. "It _is_ pretty cozy down here. You could do worse."

He sat on the edge of the fold-out bed and nodded, staring into the flame of the candle.

Alice made herself comfortable on the other edge of the bed and pulled her feet up to sit cross-legged, enjoying the peaceful silence that had settled between the two of them.

After a while of sitting in silence and breathing in the apple-cinnamon candle, Jasper surprised Alice by speaking.

"So, uh... you're okay, right?"

She blinked.

He looked up when she didn't answer and his eyes met hers. She marveled at the way the shadows played with the angles on his face.

"I mean, from earlier. When you tripped coming out of the bathroom..."

She smiled, relieved once she knew what he was talking about. She nodded, breathing a soft "Yeah."

The visions were on a need-to-know basis only. Meaning Alice had told _no one_ about them. And she wasn't about to tell Jasper, either.

What could she say, really? That all of a sudden, she had blackouts where she saw things that were about to happen? Esme and Carlisle would send her back to her parents, for sure. Or they'd worry about her and just want to help more, which would make her feel even more bad about being here and taking over their lives.

Plus, all she had to do was smoke - just a tiny bit per day - and they didn't come as often and sometimes they didn't come at all. It was a small price to pay.

And if she could get James to believe that she still loved him, then he'd take care of it for her.

Was that selfish?

"Alice?"

Her name being breathed from Jasper's mouth drew her back to the present.

"Sorry."

He shrugged. "You just seemed really deep in thought..."

She nodded. "Yeah..." and then lied. "Just a little shaken up by what happened tonight with Rosalie. Something with Emmett and Royce... I'm really worried for her." Okay, half of a lie. She _was _worried about Rosalie, but she was also thinking about James.

"Understandable. Rose is strong, though. She'll be okay." His voice was certain, unwavering, but his face looked concerned. Jasper was used to comforting Charlotte, but lately, he had been receiving the brunt of the comforting. It made him miss Charlotte and he was relieved that he'd be seeing her tomorrow.

Alice didn't relax as much as Jasper would have liked, but she did smile at him. She felt she owed him that, at least. It wasn't his fault that she was in this mess. "Thanks, Jasper."

They sat in a non-awkward silence until they heard Rosalie emerge from the bathroom and start to head upstairs.

"I-I should-"

"Yeah, check up on her..." Jasper agreed, nodding and standing as Alice stood.

She looked up at him, at the way he met her gaze so intensely. Her eyes scanned over his face, noticing a white scar over his eyebrow and another, under his chin. His eyes were examining her just as closely. She liked to see his eyes looking that way... it made them less haunted. But at the same time, she felt very exposed... like he could see everything about her, but was nice enough to not say anything before he was sure she wanted him to.

With one last breath of the scented _Glade_ candle, she broke away from his gaze and turned around, heading toward the stairs, feeling his eyes on her back.

"See you around, Jasper," she whispered as she headed up to Rosalie.

"...Alice," was all she heard from him as she closed the basement door behind her.

Later, after she had gotten Rosalie comfortably to bed, Alice sat outside. She wrote in her journal by the dim light of a streetlight as she smoked.

_**The visions always make me so cold. I'll come back from them freezing, shaking, my toes and fingers numb. But this time, I came back with my wrist burning hot. I thought maybe it was because of what I saw Rosalie doing. That maybe I could somehow feel her pain... but then she was just cutting her bracelet off of her arm. And looking back... the reason why I wasn't as cold was because Jasper was there. His fingers were touching my wrist and that's what I felt...**_

_**Jasper. He looks just as lost as I feel. Rosalie didn't say too much about him... just that he was staying for the week until they could get set up somewhere else in Forks. At his grandfather's, he said. Rosalie and Jasper sort of look alike. He's about as gorgeous as she is. Not even a judgment thing... just a fact.**_

_**Can't deny that I didn't mind looking at him, though. Not just for his looks, but for what I could see in him. In his eyes... his touch... there's something there. Something deeper, bigger, than I think I've ever really noticed in someone before.**_

_**And here I am rambling on about Jasper when I don't even know him. I should focus on trying to improve things with James. He's hurt...**_

_**I do still love him. I think. I mean, how could I just stop? He and I have had some really amazing talks, moments... especially when we were smoking or doing shrooms together. From what I can remember, at least. The talks we'd have... He's so smart and he's very perceptive. All he wants is some affection... something to show him that I'm still as committed to him as he says he always was to me. He was just afraid of my parents. Which I can understand...**_

_**...I have to think of how I can make it up to him. Show him that I want to get to know him again.**_

_**And it'll be nice to depend on someone that's not Mike Newton.**_

She closed her journal and flicked away what little remained of the joint, but didn't go back inside right away. Instead, she stared up into the dark sky, searching for stars that still flickered, even though the streetlight threatened to block them out.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> It was ready early. Figured I should post as much as I can before classes start again! Thanks for the feedback/story alerts! Seeing reviews in my inbox makes me grin! Please review this chapter and kindly let me know what you liked/what you didn't/if you're interested in reading more! Thanks!**


	5. What Needs to be Said

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
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**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
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**Chapter 5: What Needs to be Said  
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_In his dream, Jasper and Peter were sitting at a picnic table at the park, eating lunch. _

_"You've got to look out for Charlotte now, Jay," Pete said as he took a bite of a slice of pizza._

_"I am. Of course," Jasper nodded. _

_"She doesn't need a body guard or anything. Let her live... let her feel... it's okay for her to miss me, but I'm trying to let her know that I'll always watch over her. I think she can feel me... but sometimes she misses me too much and she loses herself. When that happens, I need you to be there for her. She has so much beauty... and so much to give... I don't want my death to ruin that in her."_

_"I know. I know exactly what you mean. I've seen her lose herself a few times. It's hard, but I help her come back. I'm determined to make sure she's okay," Jasper reassured him._

_Peter nodded. "I know you are. And I appreciate it more than I can tell you, man. You've got to make sure you're okay, too, though. Let her help you."_

_"Charlotte?"_

_"Not exactly," Pete smirked, "I know something you don't know," he teased. "Don't worry, you'll like it. Just be yourself."_

_Jasper didn't know how to respond, but stared at him long and hard. "Do you hate me, Pete?"_

_"There's no hatred where I am, Jay. I don't feel things the way you do anymore. Any hatred or guilt that you feel is there because YOU feel it. You put it there. And even if I could hate, do you think I'd hate my best friend?"_

_Jasper shrugged. "You'd have a right to. I... I don't know how to move on from it, Peter. I still don't remember what happened that night, but I know I was driving so it must've been my fault..."_

_Peter started to fade away as Jasper got deeper into his story._

_"Wait, Pete. Don't go yet. I have so much I have to tell you... so much to say..."_

_"I already know, Jay." His voice was sounding farther now. "But it's time for me to go, now. You're my best friend. Take care of yourself and look out for Char, okay?"_

_"Please don't leave me, Pete. I need you."_

_Peter smiled peacefully as he disappeared completely._

Jasper shot up in bed, panting, feeling the sweat engulf him. He kept his eyes squeezed closed, trying to hang on to the last image of Peter he had behind his eyelids, now. He looked so content, even with the smirk he always had playing on his lips.

Cool hands brushed back the hair that was matted to his face. "Shh, it's okay."

He took in a deep breath of eucalyptus and let it soothe his burning lungs.

She took his face in her hands. "Can you look at me? Open your eyes, Jasper." She spoke softly and he found himself wanting to listen to her. His eyes opened.

"Good. Focus, Jazz. Stare right into my eyes...there you go... good. You're okay, now. Everything's okay. You're awake."

She had to be wrong. Being awake didn't mean that things were okay. Things had been better when he was still asleep. He had gotten to talk to Peter while he had been sleeping. How could things be better now that he was awake?

"Shh, just breathe. In and out. You're awake and it's okay."

Alice's voice was so smooth that it almost lulled him right back to sleep. He wanted to trust that voice so much. Wanted to believe that what she was saying was true. He gazed into the swirl of colors in her eyes as he felt the coolness of her hands leave his face to brush his hair back again.

"Alice," he whispered hoarsely, his voice full of sleep.

Her smile made his heart slow to a steady, normal beat. He didn't feel like he was going to have a heart attack anymore.

"Morning, Jazz. I'm... just heading out. It's early, but I figured I should go help Emmett clean up before the family gets home. He's probably not even awake yet, but, well, all the more reason to get over there and get everything together, you know? I checked on Rose and she's still sleeping, but I left her a note to call me when she woke up. Do you need anything before I go? That sounds kind of weird. I don't mean it to be weird. I just meant... you know... are you okay and everything?" She shook her head. "Sorry. Of course you're okay. You're probably wondering why I'm still sitting here rambling on your bed when I could've just texted you. It would've been easy and then I wouldn't have woke you, but I hate leaving without saying goodbye and-"

He put his fingers to her lips and her eyes got a little wider.

"I'm glad you came to say goodbye," he said softly.

He noticed her whole frame relax, then, and she smiled radiantly. "Okay."

He nodded. "Okay."

She bit her lip and grinned. "Goodbye, then."

Jasper felt so much... lighter. He had thought that he would have been thrown off by his dream for the rest of the day, but waking up to Alice's hands and voice and scent... it made him feel okay. Not so shitty.

"See ya later."

He watched the tiny girl in front of him as she smiled before hopping off of his bed and sashaying her way back upstairs.

Once Alice had gone, Jasper got the feeling that Saturday was going to crawl by very slowly.

When he went to check on Rosalie, he found her sleeping soundly, peacefully, even. He looked over the bruise on her face and the scratches on her hands and determined that she'd be okay. With some make up, she could hide it from her parents and in a few days, there would be no evidence at all that anything had happened. Just memories.

Jasper and Rosalie had been close as kids. Their families had gotten together almost every weekend for Sunday dinners and the two would spend time helping their grandma make dessert and then arguing over who got to lick the spoon.

Time changes everything. People, places... Their grandparents died and soon after, their families didn't get together as often. Now, it was only for holidays and usually Jasper didn't even get to go to those because he was with his mother for the major holidays.

He frowned as he watched Rosalie breathing evenly, her make up smeared with sleep. She was so different from the little girl he had known...

_You're just as different..._

He sighed and turned back into the hallway before going into the kitchen to make coffee for Rosalie's hangover.

After she woke up, Rosalie just barely thanked him as she poured a cup, black, and then went back into her room.

In the afternoon, Levi drove Jasper up to Port Angeles to meet Charlotte. They spent the day talking about nothing, mainly just enjoying being around one another.

Charlotte didn't look good, but she didn't look bad, either.

"You should come back to Forks with us tonight," Jasper offered her as their time together was drawing to a close.

"I can't, Jay. Besides, you're still at your cousin's house. I'd be intruding."

"No one could ever think that _you_ are intruding, Char. They'd love to have you."

She smiled sadly and he frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. "Once you're at your new place, I'll come to visit. I promise."

He gave her a look and she nudged him with her elbow. "I promise!"

"I'm gonna hold you to that," he told her fake-sternly.

She chuckled and lit a cigarette. "When have I ever backed down on my promises?"

He looked at her pointedly. "How about when you promised to quit smoking?"

She was shaking her head. "Nope. You're not gonna get me on that one. You promised that _for_ me. Doesn't count."

"Does so," he retorted.

Charlotte stuck her tongue out at him and he felt the same relief he always felt when he caught glimpses of the girl he knew was still in there. The girl he had known before the accident. The girl who was so full of life and happiness and energy... She only showed up every so often, now-a-days.

They had dinner and walked around for a bit before the night was over. Jasper made sure Charlotte was safely in her car and on her way home before getting in the passenger seat of Levi's car.

"Have fun, Jasper?" Levi asked as Jasper got settled in, pressing his head against the window and closing his eyes. He hoped to fall asleep for most of the ride so that they wouldn't have to stop for one of his panic attacks to pass.

"Yeah. It was just nice to see her again."

Levi nodded. "You could do worse."

Jasper narrowed his brow and peeked his eyes open. "What are you talking about?"

Levi shrugged. "She's a cute girl, that's all I'm saying."

The thought of being with Charlotte romantically appalled him. Not because he didn't find her attractive, but because she was his best friend. His sister.

And she was Peter's girl. She would always be Peter's, even if one day she did find someone new that understood her and made her smile. He was convinced that it would never be someone who would replace Peter in her heart.

"She's just my friend, Dad." He told him seriously.

"I'm just saying..."

"No," Jasper cut him off, "Don't 'just say' anything, okay? Just leave it alone. Charlotte is like a sister to me. That's what we are to each other."

Levi smirked. "Mmmkay, son."

Annoyed, Jasper curled away from him and tried to doze.

The rest of the weekend went by quickly enough. Rosalie didn't want to talk to him about what happened; she covered up with make up and nice clothes and no one else noticed that anything was off.

When Jasper wasn't sleeping, he did some homework, flipped through his history book, or just lay on his back staring at the ceiling.

The rest of the week went by this way. He saw Alice in school, but didn't have any classes with her and at lunch, he noticed she sat with Emmett and a few others that Jasper didn't know.

Rosalie had been getting a ride into school with Levi on his way over to work on Grandpa's house. Levi offered to take Jasper, too, but he liked walking a lot better. Fresh air, a nice walk, and no panic attacks to worry about from being in the car.

He fell into a pattern of going to school, coming home, staring, eating dinner, showering, talking to Charlotte, doing homework, and then trying to sleep.

On Thursday morning, things got a bit more exciting; Levi announced that they'd be ready to move into their new house on Friday, meaning that Charlotte could come stay with them this weekend if she wanted to _and_ Jasper ran into Alice on his way out of school. Literally.

They bumped into each other rounding a corner and their books flopped to the ground.

"Sorry!" was Alice's immediate response as she bent down to pick up the books. "I wasn't... looking, really. Kind of in my own little world, here, you know? Sorry. Here's your-"

She and Jasper's heads collided again as they bent to pick up each other's books and Jasper chuckled as they fell back off of their feet. "Pretty cliche of us, huh?"

Alice giggled and rubbed her head as they sat on the floor together. "Yeah, I'd say so."

Jasper had to smile at her. Something about her personality-about _her_ in general-made him feel more at ease than with anyone else around Forks. "Here are your books, Alice."

She took them from him with a calm smile. "Jasper." It was as if she was only now realizing who she had bumped into. "It was nice...er...running into you?"

He smirked and nodded as she started to carefully stand up with the pile of books in her hand.

"I'd try to help you up but, um..." she looked down at the books overflowing in her arms as he spoke.

"I understand. Don't want them falling on my head, now, darlin', do we?"

He started to stand on his own, but as he stood, he noticed a spot of blood where Alice's jeans hugged her ankles.

"Oh... did I... were you hurt when you fell?" he asked, motioning to spot with his head.

She blinked and looked down. "Oh...that sucks. Blood doesn't come out of clothes easily. Huh. I must've...scraped it when I fell or something."

Jasper narrowed his eyes as he tried to read the tone in her voice. Her words came out too fast.

"Yeah, maybe..." he said slowly, trying to read her face. It was only when he looked that closely that he noticed how tired her marble-blue eyes were.

"Well... I hope your ankle feels better and... um..." He scratched the back of his head. "Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime?"

Her body relaxed slightly and she put on a smile, nodding. "Yes. A run-in without bloodshed next time."

He nodded as they started to walk past each other, the warmth of her arm brushing his. It made his heart race, but he wasn't sure why.

"See ya around, Alice."

"Bye Jasper."

_Shit._

Alice watched him walk away while trying to keep her panic subdued. _I played it off. He believed me. I think. No. He did believe me. Side effect of smoking is paranoia and that's all this is right now. I'm being paranoid. He probably won't even think about it again._

She knelt down and set the pile of books on the ground next to her before rolling up her pant leg as best as she could. The blood smeared a bit, but she ignored it, running her finger over where the healing scab had broken open. She watched, mesmerized, as a single crimson drop oozed from the scab, rolling slowly toward her foot. She bit her lip as she caught it with her finger, staring at the red before covering her ankle with her jeans again and standing up with her books.

She swallowed as she remembered how the wound had gotten there in the first place.

James and Alice had gotten together the day after the party, as planned. They had spent the evening catching up over dinner at a local restaurant and things had seemed to be going quite well.

But as the night drew on and it got to be late again, James asked the question Alice had been pondering ever since they had first reunited.

"How much do you love me, Liss?"

It was dark at the end of her driveway, where they stood in only the light of the moon. She couldn't see his eyes clearly, but she could imagine his pupils taking over any color in his eyes, making them a solid black as they stared into her, searching for an answer.

"James, when I went away... things were really rough. I don't... want to go into detail. Not right now. But there's a lot I don't remember about us... and a lot that I do."

He cocked an eyebrow, but listened intently.

Alice bit her lip nervously as she kept staring into his darkened eyes. "From what I do remember... I think I trusted you. With my life, on occasion. And you never let me down. And even though I'm upset that you weren't around for two years... it's hard for me to think that you'd be here right now if you didn't still love me. So... I love you as much as my memories allow me to, right now. But I think... with some time... it could be more."

James stood still for a long time. She felt his eyes as they moved from hers to her lips, her chest, her toes, and then back up to where his hand reached to cup the back of her head. Her heartbeat was steady, but her hands were shaking in anticipation of what his response would be.

Finally, he brought her face to his and kissed her roughly before pulling himself away from her.

"I want to show you something," His tone was as rough as his movements.

"What?" she whispered.

He moved out of the shadows and more into the moonlight, where he pulled his shirt over his head. He took her hand in his and set it on his chest. "Feel."

At first, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to be feeling. His heartbeat? His chest? But as she ran her fingers over his skin, she came across a raised part of his skin. Her thumb moved over the small area before he took her finger and showed her how to trace it.

She blinked before squinting through the darkness to examine his chest more closely. Right over his heart was a scar in the shape of an "A".

"James?"

He grabbed her wrist and moved her hand off of him as he spoke. "That's how much I love you."

As she lay in bed that night, she thought about what he had shown her. At first, she was sort of appalled. Who would do something like that to themselves?

Her thoughts grew darker with the night and she pulled her journal out.

**_...There's an A right over his heart. It sort of scared me at first. I didn't ask how long it's been there, but the more I think about it, how is it any different from a tattoo? No ink, but it's still there. Still a symbol._**

**_After he dropped me off, he still didn't seem sure. I was completely honest with him, but I can tell that he's worried that things won't work out again between us. I don't want him to think he's lost me. He hasn't. Even though I'm trying to be better now, I'm still here. Am "I" the same Alice he knew? No. But could James still love this Alice? Could anyone?_**

**_...I want someone to be able to love who I am now._**

At 3:33 in the morning, Alice crawled out of bed.

At 3:53, she was back in bed, hugging her covers, an old summer scarf tied around her ankle.

Copper fingerprints marked the sheets the next morning.

Alice pulled herself back into the present and focused on Jasper's retreating form. He was too far away to catch up to, so she started walking home alone. She thought of how James had smiled when she had shown him what she had done. She thought of how he had kissed her ankle and then her knee and then her thigh.

Her walk became more brisk as she thought of his fingers on her hips. The way he had kissed a trail from her thigh to her belly button before standing up again. The musky taste of him as he slipped his tongue through her lips, running his hands up her sides so he could finally tangle them in her hair and pull her closer into him.

She blinked as she found herself in her bedroom with no recollection of entering the house, too lost in memories from yesterday. She stared into the mirror at the way her blue eyes had darkened. They were stormy, now, and she could feel the coldness setting into her bones again.

Quickly, she took what James had given her and crawled through her window out onto the roof. She filled her lungs with smoke until she was warm again, warding off the vision.

As it started to rain, she came back inside and hid the baggie with her bear.

A hot shower removed the rest of the traces of a vision, cleaned the dried blood from her ankle and the dirt-like scent from her hair.

When she stepped out of the shower, she felt more grounded. In the moment. Her thoughts wandered only where she wanted them to and didn't get out of control. She focused them on putting on sweatpants and a t-shirt and then combed out her wet hair.

Her stomach rumbled as she wandered downstairs to the smell of pot roast and mashed potatoes and was soon crushed from behind by Emmett's burly arms as he hugged her.

"Nice of you to join us, Pix," he teased.

"At least she's clean," Bella responded from where she was setting the table for dinner.

"Are you insinating that I'm not?" he challenged, letting go of Alice.

_"_Am I _insinuating_ that you're not? No, Em. You put that idea out there all by yourself," Bella joked back.

"You're lucky you're married to my brother and pregnant with my nephew, Bells," he said, moving closer and taking some silverware from her so he could help.

"Who says it's a boy?"

Alice smiled at their bantering as she wandered closer to where Esme was putting a pie into the oven for later.

_Esme's so beautiful,_ Alice thought to herself as she watched her. _So good._

Esme straightened up and closed the oven door. She took one look at Alice and moved closer to her, opening her arms to envelope her in a motherly hug.

"How are you doing, sweetie?" Esme whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

Alice closed her eyes as she leaned into the warmth. The smell of roast and gravy and potatoes and vanilla engulfed her, calmed her almost to a point of lethargy.

"I'm okay."

They ate dinner together and talked about things that had happened during their day. It was the epitome of normal and Alice couldn't have been more grateful for it.

After dinner, Emmett followed her upstairs and knocked lightly on her door.

"Hey, Alice?"

She smiled as he poked his head in. "What's up, Em?"

"Um... I was kind of wondering..."

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

He swallowed and stepped inside her room, closing the door behind him. "Have you, uh... talked to Rosalie lately?"

Alice thought for a minute. "Not for a few days." She had spoken to her Monday to make sure she was feeling better from the weekend. Rose had insisted she was fine, but Alice hadn't really approached the subject since then.

He nodded quickly, then. "Kay. Whatcha doin' now?"

She shrugged. "Homework, I guess."

He wrinkled his nose. "Ew. No fun."

Smirking, she stretched out on her stomach on her bed full of books and notebooks. She didn't _like_ homework, but she didn't mind it either. It was something so... _normal_... that she couldn't help being grateful for it.

She browsed through the books on her bed as Emmett crossed his arms, leaning against the wall of her bedroom. "Hey, Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't get mad, okay?"

She sighed and looked over at him, noticing how nervous he looked. It was very unlike Emmett to be nervous. Ever.

"Could I ever be mad at you?" She rolled her eyes and then scooted off of the bed to come closer to him. "What is it?"

He stared at her for longer than she had even thought possible for Emmett; he was not one to stand still.

"When you were gone for the last two years... do you... do you remember when we'd come to visit you?"

She blinked. Okay. This was not something she was expecting. She decided to try to play this out calmly, without flashbacks or discomfort. "Mostly. Why?"

He swallowed and then met her eye. "Sometimes... when we'd come... you were fine. I mean, you seemed like you. And you'd talk and tell us how much you hated it there, but never enough to make Mom feel bad for not being able to get you out sooner." He smiled sadly at that thought.

"But other times... you were really gone, Pix. It really freaked me out, you know, to see you like that."

"Emmett-" she started, but he cut her off.

"And earlier... right before dinner... you kind of looked like that again. For a minute, you know? When I hugged you? You didn't respond how you normally would and you looked better as dinner went on, but... I don't know, Alice. You know that if you ever... need something. Or want to talk about things. Whatever. I... I can be serious when I want to be. You can trust me. Okay?"

She reached her arms around him and squeezed tight, burying her head in him. "You're sweet, Em. Thank you."

"I mean it, Alice."

She nodded, pulling away from him again. "I know. I'm okay, Em. Um..." she shook her head, feeling like she owed him a little more than just a thank you. "It's just... some things are really... hard to talk about. There's a lot I don't want to relive or remember about being there and so I try not to think about it much. But... if there's ever something that I just can't get out of my head and I need to talk about it... I trust you."

Her father and stepmother had sent her to a rehabilitation facility that was, what they liked to call, "new" and using "experimental procedures" that her parents supported. It wasn't covered by insurance or anything, but the facility was cheap because it was using technologies and ways of healing that hadn't been mainstreamed yet. It was...under the radar. Up and coming. A future breakthrough waiting to happen.

Alice hoped that the things they did there would never be mainstreamed. She considered herself lucky to get out when she did. And that was all she wanted to let herself think about right now.

"Even if it was my fault?"

Alice looked up to see fear and regret in Emmett's eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I was the one who found you and figured out that you weren't... doing so well. And then Mom and Dad told your parents and... I feel like it's my fault. If I would've just covered for you or something you could've been living at home these past two years and you wouldn't... get that look anymore."

She shook her head and smiled sadly. "Em... I messed things up on my own. And... if you hadn't said anything then, someone else would have later. It was just a matter of time before things got out of hand because that's... the road I was on."

He still looked unconvinced, so she continued.

"Plus, if you hadn't helped me then, I wouldn't be living here now. So it all worked out, right?" Or was in the process of working out. But either way, she couldn't help feeling welcome at the Cullen house. She felt _wanted_ here. Something she hadn't felt in a long time.

He nodded slowly. "Okay. Right. I guess... if you're okay then I'm okay."

She let herself smile up at him. "If I'm not okay, I will be. I'm the closest I've ever been, I think," she answered honestly.

Emmett let his classic grin slowly turn up on his face. "Good."

And then before she could say anything else, he kissed her forehead and ducked out of her room again.

She smirked and shook her head as she wandered back over to her bed, trying to figure out what homework she had to do tonight. She was glad that she could make Emmett feel better about things and now she was going to try to do the same.

Alice opened her Math book and proceeded to turn to the assigned page when she came across another book inside of the Math one. It was small and black with a leather cord tied around it.

She narrowed her brow as she tried to remember if it was hers or not. She didn't think it was.

One glance at the first page made her close it immediately. Someone elses handwriting. And not math equations-only words, spread evenly across the paper. It was clearly a journal of some sort.

But who was the owner? And how had it managed to come into her possession?

Carefully, she opened the journal again, hoping to see someone's name on the front or back cover, but there was no name.

_If I read it, maybe I could figure out who it belongs to and return it..._

But the minute the thought entered her mind, she closed the journal. She couldn't read it, even if it was just to find out who it belonged to. How would she feel if someone read _her _journal?

She blinked and then rolled over to check under her pillow, making sure hers was still there. When she had determined that it was, she put the other person's journal with her own and then tried to focus on her homework. She would take the found journal into school with her tomorrow and keep her ears open for anyone who might be looking for it.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note: <span>So what do you think of James? Charlotte? The chemistry between Jasper and Alice? Things should start to pick up in the next few chapters. Please review!**


	6. Secrets and Trust

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
><strong>

**Chapter 6: Secrets and Trust**

"It's not anywhere, Char. I-I can't find it. Shit."

Jasper's room in Rosalie's basement had been turned upside down as he looked for his missing journal.

"It's somewhere, Jasper. It has to be," Charlotte said calmly over the phone. "Maybe you left it in your locker?"

He sunk onto his bed and sighed. "Maybe. I don't know. What if someone here took it?"

"They wouldn't do that. You'll find it, Jay. If not now, then when you pack up to move to the new house. It'll show."

"I hope so." He let his eyes fall closed. "What are you up to today?"

"School. Then home. My life's ridiculously entertaining, isn't it?"

Just hearing Charlotte sound so much like... _herself_... it brightened him up a bit.

"More than mine. I'll just be retracing all of my steps from yesterday trying to find my journal."

"I'll be retracing my steps from yesterday, too. Only I'm not looking for anything exciting. So your day sounds better. Good luck."

He nodded, chuckling to himself. "Thanks. I'll let you know how it goes."

He heard her smile in her words. "See ya, Jay."

Jasper walked into school and headed straight for his locker to check for his journal, but as he expected, it wasn't there, either.

He slammed it shut and breathed out in frustration before heading to his first class.

The morning periods dragged on and by lunch, he was feeling suffocated. He grabbed an apple and wandered outside for some air.

He sat down with his back against a tree and stared up at the cloudy sky. The ground was still slightly damp and muddy from the consistent rain. He balanced his body on the tree roots so his pants wouldn't be totally soaked when he went back inside.

"You know, if you wanted to have lunch with me, you could just ask," he heard a voice teasing from behind him.

He stood and looked around the trunk of the tree to see Alice peering up at him, her blue eyes looking brighter despite the overcast afternoon.

"Didn't realize you were there, to tell you the truth," he answered, allowing himself a smile, despite his mind still being on finding his journal. "How's your ankle?"

Her eyes widened before she looked away from him. "Better, thanks."

He sat down next to her and she glanced over at him with a small smile.

"What are you doing out here, anyway, Alice? Don't you usually sit with Emmett and his friends?"

"You've noticed where I sit?" she asked, making Jasper swallow nervously. It probably _was_ kind of weird.

"I guess so. It's a small school," he tried covering, but she looked flattered.

"I needed a break from Emmett's friends. Felt like coming outside and just kind of...being. Today's a good day to just be," she explained, leaning back against the trunk and taking in a breath of the crisp, Autumn air.

He watched as the muscles in her face totally relaxed as she breathed in the scent of the leaves around them. "I love Fall. The leaves are so friendly and beautiful, even as they're kind of dying off before the cold sets in. That's how I want to go."

He raised an eyebrow. "How you want to go?"

She nodded. "Yeah. In a burst of color. Burning bright and beautiful. None of that dark, cold, depressing stuff that winter brings."

"Should I be concerned that you're contemplating how you want to die?" Jasper asked her, half teasing, half serious.

Alice glanced at his face and then smiled. He could almost physically see her reeling her mind back in. "No. You shouldn't be concerned. I'm very much alive and if I have any choice in the matter, I'll stay that way for a while."

She paused, letting her thoughts take over for just a little longer as she reached down to pick up a bright red leaf with orange and yellow seemingly tie-dyed onto it. "Still, though. I can't think of a better way to go when it's time."

The breeze blew a scent of eucalyptus past Jasper as Alice's hand reached out to give him the leaf.

He took it and stared into the pools of blue shining out from her ivory skin, feeling a strange sense of deja vu in the moment.

Alice was the first to break their stare as she giggled and moved her hand off of the leaf as he took it from her.

"Thanks," he breathed, blinking himself back into reality. "Um... so... any plans for the weekend?" He cursed his lame attempt at conversation as the words left his mouth.

She smiled, though, and shrugged. "Not sure yet. How about you?"

"Moving out of Rosalie's basement tonight and into the new house."

"Oh... that sounds like it could be fun. Do you have much to move?" She munched on a carrot stick as she spoke.

"Mostly my stuff. My dad and uncle already had the furniture and stuff moved in this past week."

"Rose helping you?"

"Don't think so."

She paused before saying, "Do you need some extra help? I could come by, if you wanted."

He blinked and looked over to see that she looked just as surprised by her offer as he was.

"No pressure, though. I understand if you want to do it by yourself or something. I mean, you barely know me. I'm not trying to make it weird or anything I just figured I'd offer because-"

"-Okay." He cut her off before she could get herself too worked up.

"What?"

"Okay. I...I'd love the extra help. If you're not busy tonight. I mean... it's not a fun way to spend a Friday night."

"I'm not busy," she answered, biting her lip as she smiled. She wasn't entirely sure why she offered, but something about his presence just put her at ease. She felt..._warm_ and that warmth made her feel safe.

He nodded. "Okay, great. Thanks."

She opened her bag to get out a piece of paper. "Here, you can write your new address down on here so I can meet you there and help you un...pack...Jasper?"

Jasper had frozen and was now staring at her bag.

"Jasper? Is everything...okay?"

"What's that book in your bag?" he asked stiffly.

She blinked and opened her bag further so he could look inside. "Oh, you mean this?" She reached her hand in and pulled out his journal. "I don't know. It's someone's journal. I found it and-"

"-Where?"

"Excuse me?"

"Where did you find it?" His eyes and tone were dark, now, and Alice felt herself leaning slightly away from him.

"It was with my books..."

"How did it get there?"

"I-I don't know," she said quickly as he reached to grab it from her.

"Did you read it?"

"What?"

"Did you read it?" His eyes bore into hers as she stared back at him and the way he was clenching the journal.

"No, I-of course not. I wouldn't do that."

"Sure you wouldn't."

His tone and words were like a slap to the face. She flinched back from him and stood up, her back to the tree. "I didn't read it, Jasper. I didn't even know whose it was till now."

He stood too and flipped through, as if searching for some evidence that she had read it and was lying to him. If she had read this, she'd know all of his deepest thoughts and worries and desires and dreams... he would be vulnerable. She'd have total control over him if she knew what was in that journal.

"Prove it."

She took another step back away from his burning eyes. "I can't... how could I prove something like that?"

He noticed her hands trembling as she stared at him, her breathing unsteady.

"I don't know, Alice. But I also don't know how you could have someone else's thoughts in your possession and _not_ read them." He knew he was taking his anger out on her, but he couldn't stop himself. How could he believe that she wouldn't have read it? Any normal person would have.

"I just wouldn't," her voice shook, "I wouldn't want someone reading mine so I didn't read this one. I closed it once I realized what it was, but I didn't read any of it, I swear."

Her face was pale as she backed into the trunk of the tree, her fingers gripping the bark that was peeling off of it.

When he glanced back up at her after looking at the journal, he noticed how terrified she looked. Was that because of him?

She squeezed her eyes shut and slid down the bark of the tree, curling into herself, her arms wrapping around her legs as she put her head down on top of her knees, hiding her face from him.

He noticed that she was breathing erratically as she hid from him, but he had a sudden feeling that this wasn't all about him anymore.

_You're such a dick, Jasper. How could you accuse Alice of something like that? You barely know her, but you've liked her every time you've talked to her. And you've talked to her enough to know that she's different._

The way she had sort of closed herself off from him made him nervous. She looked so defenseless in that moment; he felt a sudden need to protect her, even if it was only from himself.

_Any normal person would have read it, but not Alice because she's not normal. If she says she didn't, she didn't._

_Fuck. I suck._

Jasper took in a breath and tried to make his voice come out much calmer. "Alice? I'm sorry..."

He knelt down next to her and gently put his hands on her arms, but she didn't respond.

"Alice, are you okay? I didn't mean to accuse you like that. I'm sorry. I just thought... I shouldn't have assumed. I'm so sorry. Alice?"

His hand wandered down her arm to touch her hand and he was surprised when her hand curled around his tightly, her fingernails digging into his skin.

"Alice, talk to me." Her whole body was frozen and she hadn't responded to him except to hold onto his hand. He didn't know what was happening and it was starting to worry him.

After a moment, she gasped and her head shot up, her eyes now watery as she stared at him.

"Alice? I'm so sorry... are you okay?"

"I didn't read it, Jasper."

"I know. I'm sorry."

She blinked and let tears roll down her face to clear her view of him.

His look of concern made her pull her hand back from him.

"What just happened? Are you okay?" he asked her quietly.

"Please don't tell anyone, Jasper," she whispered.

"Don't... tell anyone what?" he asked, noticing how terrified she looked. This whole situation was strangely familiar to him, but he couldn't place why.

"About this happening. Just... please. Don't mention it to anyone."

Why was she so adamant about not telling anyone? He could sort of understand not wanting anyone to know that he had made her so upset... But what had just happened to her to make her so afraid? A panic attack?

"I won't," he promised automatically. It was the least he could do after it was his fault that he got her so worked up. But he would've done it for her either way. The graveness in her tone made him aware of how serious and important this was to her.

"Thank you." She looked so broken in that moment that he felt compelled to do something to make her better. He just didn't know what.

"Alice... do you want to skip the rest of the day? Can I walk you home?"

She thought for a long moment before she nodded. "Please."

He helped her stand and then went to take her bag from her, but she shook her head. "I can carry it."

With a quick glance around them, Jasper and Alice walked right off of school grounds and onto the street that would lead them into the direction of the Cullen house.

After walking in silence for a few moments, Jasper felt a lot calmer than earlier. He glanced over at Alice. "I'm sorry if that was my fault."

"It wasn't," she said quietly. "But thank you. I'm sorry you thought I betrayed you by reading it."

He shook his head. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I have to work on not taking shit out on people who don't deserve it."

She shrugged. "What if I did deserve it?"

"You didn't read it," he said steadily, knowing in his heart that it was the truth. "So you didn't deserve that from me."

She nodded, looking exhausted. "It's okay."

He wanted to ask her what had happened, but something told him now just wasn't the time.

They walked on in silence until they reached the end of the Cullens' driveway.

"You still want my help moving tonight?" Alice asked as they stopped.

He blinked in surprise. "You still...want to help me?"

"Yeah. I just have to stop at home for a bit and then I can come by."

"Oh...okay. Yeah. Um... can you stop over at Rose's and then we'll just go over to the new place together?"

"Yeah. Text me when you're ready for me to come over?"

He nodded. "Sure. Um... do you need... anything?"

She stared intensely at him for a moment before she looked away, down the driveway.

"I have everything I need at the house."

He raised an eyebrow at her tone, but then relaxed a bit as she looked at him.

"I'm glad you found your journal. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

He didn't know what to say. Any time he had talked to Alice, she had been so much... happier. She was thoughtful and interesting and she danced when she walked. But right now, he felt like he had broken her. She looked like she was only barely holding herself together.

"Thanks for... keeping it safe for me."

She nodded without a word and turned to dully walk down the driveway. No skipping, dancing, floating...

If she hadn't told him she'd see him later to help him move, he knew he would have followed her right then and there.

Instead, he called and left Charlotte a voicemail message, all the while convincing himself that he would make sure that Alice was okay when she came over later. He sensed that she needed to be alone for a bit.

The first thing Alice did was go straight to her room and pull out what was left of the weed in the bear's paw. It wasn't much, but it would be enough to hold her through the night, if she used it wisely.

She climbed out onto the roof and crawled to a spot near the chimney where she could lean against it and remain hidden from daylight eyes.

The vision, this time, had jumped around, showing her two different things. The first part had been Rosalie and Royce getting back together.

The second part had definitely been Jasper. She had seen him looking at her with sadness and then he was... holding her.

When she came out of the vision, she had been a little confused because she had been gripping Jasper's hand for dear life and hadn't even realized she was doing it. This opened up a whole new issue for her: what did it look like to everyone else when she was having a vision?

She knew that when she had been in Volturi-the rehab center-they always knew when she had been having an "episode" because of how cold she felt and by the way she didn't respond to them.

But what did it _look_ like? Other than being out of it... what did Jasper see when the vision crept into her system, wrapping its cold fingers around her and pulling her into the future?

When she had finished smoking the rest of what had been left in her tiny bag, she felt a bit better. Any lingering effects of the vision had gone away entirely. She was more calm-more numb-this way. It was safer, now. Especially if she was going to be at Jasper's for the evening with no way to escape away to smoke if she felt a vision coming on.

She would need to get more from James tomorrow.

But this evening, she would be helping Jasper move.

The thought of spending the evening with him calmed her even more. Alice knew that Jasper hadn't meant to react so strongly to her having his journal. She assumed that he was just a private person and that he didn't want anyone going through his thoughts without his permission. Which, let's face it, is something that could be said of anyone, really. No one wants to have their secrets out there.

It made sense that Jasper had gotten angry, but as they were walking home, she sensed that he did believe that she hadn't read it and that he felt guilty for... making her upset? He probably interpreted the vision as her being too upset to function, which was fine by her if it meant her secret was still safe.

She sighed and climbed back into the house. Her phone told her that Jasper had texted at 1:16, saying that she could come over around three if she still felt up to helping him move. She responded:

_three it is! i'll text you when im leaving =)_

and then reread his text again, realizing that he phrased his words in such a way that had Alice changed her mind and not wanted to help, she could have very easily gotten out of it with no hard feelings.

She pulled her journal out from under her pillow.

**_He was so... caring? Not really used to that. James cares, but... not the way Jasper seemed to. Why should he, though? We've only JUST met each other. After I came out of the vision, though...he was just very thoughtful. He insisted on helping walk me home, which was...kind of perfect, because the last thing I wanted to do was go back into school to try to concentrate after seeing all of that._**

_**And then on the walk home... he seemed so nice and things were never...awkward. I felt perfectly safe with him... like walking home in silence was exactly what we were supposed to be doing in that moment. Is it weird that I feel such a good... connection... to him?**_

**_To be honest, I've felt it since I talked to him at the party. I know I can be... kind of persuasive when I want something. I want to be his friend, but I don't want to overwhelm him. He's new here, just like me, and I feel like the move alone would be a lot to get used to, but... there's something else. Something he's hiding in his journal. Secrets. And I don't want to freak him out by trying to force a friendship on him._**

**_...Which is why I invited myself over to help him move. Yep. Good start at not being pushy, Alice._**

**_I wonder if he feels it, too. The connection. Sometimes it seems like it, but I can't tell for sure._**

**_I'll have to figure out more after I get back from his new house tonight._**

**_And then a date night with James tomorrow. I hope he doesn't think it's weird that I'm hanging out with Jasper... James used to have a jealous side._**

**_I guess it's worth finding out. I feel... drawn to Jasper. Like we're supposed to be friends. If I told him that, he might think I'm strange, but... I don't think what I'm feeling is so strange._**

Her pen slid back between the pages of her journal and then she hid it back in her pillow before heading to wash the smoke out of her hair.

_Can't go to Jasper's smelling like a stoner. And what do you wear to help someone move?_

After showering and brushing her hair out, she decided on casual skinny jeans and a dark blue zip-up hoodie.

She then wandered down the hallway to Carlisle and Esme's office, where she found Esme.

"Hi, hon," Esme greeted warmly, looking up from plans for a new project. She took her reading glasses off and smiled. "What are you up to this evening?"

One of the agreements that they had come to was that Alice would have the same rules as the boys had; no rules, just honesty. Esme and Carlisle wanted to know where their kids were, who they were with, and when they expected to be home. If they were going to be late, they needed to call and keep them informed. As long as no laws were being broken and no one was wreaking havoc on the town, they would be permitted to do what they wanted. The first time Esme and Carlisle caught someone in a lie, though, was when the rules would become more strict until the person earned their trust back.

"I'm actually going over to Rosalie's place for a minute to help her cousin, Jasper, pack up and move to his new house."

"That sounds nice. Where's the new house?"

Alice shrugged. "Not sure. In Forks, somewhere. They've been living with Rose's family for the week until they could get the house mostly settled, I guess."

Esme nodded. "Well, they've got the right girl if they need any help figuring out interior things," she winked, referring to the interest Alice had shown in Esme's own work.

"I guess... I'm not going to force it on them, though. It's his grandpa's old house... it might have enough charm on its own without my influence," she mused, wondering briefly how old the house was.

Esme smiled. "Let us know if they need another set of arms to move things in."

Alice nodded as Esme put her glasses back on and tilted her head down to reexamine what was in front of her.

"I skipped the second half of school today," Alice blurted out after a second, sincerely wanting to be as honest as possible with her aunt.

Esme looked up and raised her eyebrows. "Did you?"

"Yes. I...I wasn't feeling well, so I just... left. I'm sorry." She skirted around the vision thing, hoping this would be enough.

Instead of responding, Esme stood up and came closer to Alice, who braced herself. She had never known Esme to be confrontational, but maybe skipping school was a pet peeve of hers. Something intolerable.

"Follow me, please, will you, dear?"

Alice looked at her in surprise, but did as she was told.

Esme led them downstairs and then to the door to the basement, which confused Alice more. Was this to be used as a more private location or something? She knew that neither Esme nor Carlisle would ever physically hurt her, and she had never heard them yell, but... what was going on?

When they got downstairs, Esme flipped a light, causing Alice to relax muscles that she hadn't even realized had tensed, and started weaving through boxes and old furniture that was spread out down there.

"I want to put a fireplace in here and a kitchen over here. There's already a full bathroom, so we'll just need to spice it up a bit, and then there's a place for two small bedrooms in the back corner. The layout of the basement is about as big as the first floor of the house, so there'll be plenty of room. I'll need some help, though." At this, Esme looked over at Alice, who was staring at her, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

She smiled warmly. "I want to re-do the basement and make it into an apartment for Edward and Bella and the baby to live in while they're figuring things out. They don't have to stay forever, but... I think it'd be a nice starting point, don't you? Give them some privacy from us, too."

Alice blinked and looked around. It was brilliant, really. "I think it's perfect," she agreed.

Esme's smile never left her face. "You were honest with me upstairs and you didn't keep your skipping out a secret. Thank you. Now, this is my secret. Only Carlisle knows. Do you want to be part of my secret? Help me fix this up a bit?"

Not at all what Alice was expecting, but she couldn't help the grin that was slowly spreading across her face as relief washed over her. "I'd love to."

The two stood in silence for a moment and Alice sensed that there was more Esme wanted to say.

"What is it, Esme?" she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "I...I won't skip school again unless I'm sick or something. I promise."

Esme smiled sadly. "I trust you, Alice. But... well... nothing I wasn't expecting and nothing I want you to be alarmed about, but... I talked to your dad today."

Alice blanched, but Esme continued quickly.

"He called to check in... see how you were doing. He and his wife want to visit you sometime soon and I told them they were welcome for dinner in the near future, but nothing's set in stone. I told them I'd like to talk to you first, Alice, because they're only coming if you say it's okay."

"Of course it's okay," she answered immediately, knowing it was the right thing to say, "Why wouldn't my family be welcome?"

Esme was shaking her head slowly as she came closer, putting her hand on Alice's cheek lovingly.

"Think it over for a bit, sweetheart. You don't have to see them yet if it's too soon. You're still adjusting to being back in your life... getting used to a new school and new friends... You haven't seen them outside of that... _place._" Esme refused to call it a rehab center.

Alice nodded. "Okay. I'll... let you know."

Esme smiled and brought Alice into a hug, kissing her forehead. "Don't let it ruin your night, sweetie. Go have fun moving Jasper's things. Just... be you. Everything will be okay."

Alice left for Jasper's with her thoughts all over the place. Memories from the last time she had really seen her parents kept finding their way into her brain and she kept trying to push them out.

She crossed her arms in front of her as a cool breeze ripped through her hoodie, leaving goosebumps on her arms.

Alice didn't need her past ruining her present or her future.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note: <span>Okay! This is all that's written [though I have the rest outlined!] and grad school is starting, butttt my goal is to write every chance I get and still try to post every two to four weeks! If you're interested in more, let me know. No response=I'll probably just pull the story until I have more written and then repost weekly. I'm cool with either option! Thanks for the reviews so far, though! =) **


	7. Moving

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
><strong>

**Chapter 7: Moving**

When Alice walked down the Hale's driveway, Jasper couldn't help but stare.

Alice looked great... there was no sign of any distress or discomfort in the way she approached him, a grin on her face and a renewed brightness like an aura around her.

"Hey, Jasper! Sorry if I'm a little late... I started to head out to my car to come over here but it was such a good day for walking, so I just decided I'd walk. Most good walking days are still rainy ones, so I had to take advantage of a dry one. This day's a good one for moving, though. When I moved here, it was pouring. I had throw everything in the dryer. Well, all of my clothes, at least. My books I had to just open up and let air dry. They were only kind of damp. Oh! And my dvds were safe 'cause they were in their cases and stuff. So... yeah."

At his silence, she trailed off with a sheepish smile, sliding her hands into her back pockets. "Sorry. You should be used to the rambling by now though, don't you think?"

He nodded, catching up with her. He hadn't been silent due to her talking-he quite enjoyed hearing her voice. It was the way her eyes didn't match her voice that had him tongue-tied, trying to figure out what was off.

"Totally used to it. Just captivated, I guess," he teased slightly.

She wrinkled her nose as she smiled. "I'm _sure._ Captivated by my nonsense." She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "So what all do we have to move?"

He motioned over to a stack of about six boxes. "Just those. My dad took all the furniture and stuff already, so... this is basically what's left."

Jasper watched her eyeing the stack and admitted to her that he knew it wasn't much. "I probably didn't need _too_ much help. Just getting it in and out of the car. Maybe."

She nodded. "Uh huh. I think you're just using this an excuse to hang out."

"I am somewhat starved for friendship," he played along.

She smiled mock-sadly, which strangely matched her eyes a lot better, he noted. "As am I, my friend. This just might work."

He watched her walk over to examine the boxes, noticing that she wasn't dancing as much as she had been when he had seen her earlier in the day. Her step was a bit lighter than it had been when he had dropped her off at her house, though.

"So am I doing all of the moving, or are you gonna help, too? I don't mind doing it, but it'll cost you."

Alice grinned as Jasper snapped out of his self-admittedly weird infatuation with analyzing Alice's every move. He chided himself for being such a creep and then joined her in lifting a box labeled "Fragile."

"So Fra-jeel-ay, eh?" Alice commented as they lowered it into the trunk carefully.

"Just my snow globe collection."

She smirked, "Really, now?"

He shrugged innocently and she shook her head before walking back to the rest of the boxes.

They loaded them up fast enough and then Alice leaned against the car. "So are you driving us there or...?"

Jasper blinked. He forgot that Alice had no idea that he didn't drive anymore. He was so used to being around Charlotte or his dad that he forgot that she wouldn't know.

"Um...no," he said awkwardly, "My dad'll probably just come grab the stuff later."

"Then how will we move you?" she asked innocently.

"Uh...yeah. Good question. Should've thought of that." _Shit..._

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Do you... have a license?"

"Of course," he answered too quickly.

He watched as she raised one eyebrow at him, trying to figure him out.

_Sorry, Alice. Not gonna happen. You will not get too far._

"How do you do that?" he asked, hoping to distract her while still genuinely curious.

"Do what?"

"Just raise the one eyebrow?"

She did it again. "Not sure. I guess it's kind of like wiggling your ears. Just something you do. Which I don't."

"Don't...?"

"Wiggle my ears. Look, Jasper, if you're, like, grounded from driving or something, I can drive us over so your dad doesn't have to. If he's okay with me driving and all, of course, I mean... I wouldn't want to piss him off before I've even met him." She winced. "That sounded bad. I just meant... I don't want to break any rules? I'm just..."

"Trying to make things easier," Jasper finished for her, nodding, silently relieved. "And that would be perfect. You driving, I mean."

She blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Absolutely," he nodded, tossing her the keys. He noticed that she seemed to get flustered easily. Like she was trying really hard not to mess anything up, though he couldn't imagine why. "Let's do it."

She caught them with one hand and stopped leaning against the car. "Okay. Well... don't you need to say goodbye to Rosalie's family?"

"Already did. I'm ready if you're ready."

At least, he hoped he was ready to drive with her. It was only about a ten minute drive, but he didn't need her to see him freaking out because they were in a car.

_Get over it, Jay,_ he pleaded with himself. _Don't be a pussy. That's what Char would say. Pete, too._ Even though he knew very well that Charlotte was very conscientious of his phobia.

She shrugged. "Kay, let's do it."

Jasper couldn't have known that Alice was questioning driving, herself. Should she drive even though she was high? She knew you weren't supposed to drink and drive, but was it okay to drive under the influence of marijuana?

She decided that there probably wasn't a law for it, since she wasn't legally allowed to be smoking it anyway, and made a promise to herself to pull over if she felt weird. Being honest with herself, she realized that she felt a lot more fit to drive now, after smoking, then she would have felt about it if she was still feeling the way she had felt earlier, after the vision.

Still, she made sure she drove the speed limit and only had the radio on low as they headed to Jasper's new place.

Jasper kept his eyes open so that he could give her directions. He waited for her to ask why he was "grounded" from driving, but she never did.

When they arrived at his new place, she got out of the car and tossed the keys back to him over the top of it. He caught them in shaking hands and she pretended not to notice that he was trembling or pale.

"Should we go in and say hi to your dad before we unload? I think my arms need a rest after carrying such a heavy load," she half-joked.

He examined her closely, reading in her eyes that she was holding off on unloading because she somehow felt that Jasper needed a minute.

"Sure," he answered quietly, trying to figure out how she was able to sense what he needed so well.

She slid her hand in his and squeezed lightly, like it was the most natural thing in the world, before leading them up the path to the front of the house.

The minute she stepped in the front door, her eyes widened and Jasper winced.

The living room was in shambles. The furniture had just been placed in random spots, not even against the walls, and there were some boxes that were half unpacked while others were simply stacked on top of each other in the corner. Among the boxes and furniture, there were things that Jasper didn't recognize and could only assume were left over from when his grandfather had lived here.

He was about to apologize for the mess, but Alice spoke first.

"Jazz, I love it!" she squealed, practically jumping up and down. "There's so much to _do!_ Where can I start?"

She let go of his hand and slid her shoes off before weaving herself through the collection of _stuff._

"The carpet feels so homey... you have to take your shoes off and try it out!" she insisted, her neon orange toenails glowing against the brown carpet as she peaked into a box. "Porcelain tea cups? I never pictured you the type."

He suddenly found himself barefoot and following her voice. "Yeah, they were my mom's. Sort of. Or my Dad's mom's. His parents gave them to my mom as a wedding gift...I guess that's some of the stuff from our attic."

"Will I be meeting your mom, too?" she asked casually, picking one up and blowing the dust off of it to better examine the faded pink rose that had been painted onto it.

"Not... anytime soon. Probably not ever. I only go to her... she doesn't come to me."

Again, he mentally prepared to have to explain himself, but Alice just nodded and murmured, "I wish my parents didn't come to me."

He wondered what she meant, but she was already moving onto another box. Plus, if he asked a question, that opened it up for her to ask one, too. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that quite yet.

"Well, hello, lovely."

Alice jumped and looked up at where Jasper's dad stood in the doorway.

"Oh - - hi. I'm sorry. Jasper and I - - well, it was mostly me - - we were just snooping around." She tried a smile. "The carpet's comfy."

Jasper smiled at her as she caught his eye, reassuring her that things were okay. "Dad, this is my friend, Alice. She's helping me move in."

He came forward with his hand outstretched. "Levi Whitlock. Darlin', it's a pleasure. We need a woman's touch around here, right, Jasper?"

Jasper ignored the flare of irritation as his dad elbowed him. Buddies.

"Well, I'd love to help as much as I can. I'm... actually helping my aunt renovate an apartment for my cousin and his wife... I'm into the whole interior design thing. Fashion, too. Anything that can be sketched, really. I'm good with colors and arranging and stuff so... I guess I'm your girl."

"You sure are," he agreed with a smile.

Jasper glared at him. "Well, Alice and I should probably unload the car, so..."

"What car?"

"Ours. Alice drove, since I'm... _grounded._" He gave Levi a look.

Alice didn't seem to catch his emphasis. She simply nodded quickly. "I really did, sir. I hope that's okay."

Levi didn't have a smart comment this time, as Jasper expected. He simply nodded. "Go on and fetch the boxes, then. I'm fixing some things down int he basement, but I'll order us a pizza for dinner later. Sound okay? It'll probably be a long night ahead of us."

Alice nodded. "Pizza sounds great."

He smiled and headed down into the basement. Jasper could tell that Levi liked Alice, and for some reason, that bothered him. Levi often forgot that he was Jasper's father and not his older brother. He was forty-one and acted twenty-eight... something Jasper just couldn't come to accept.

Alice helped Jasper take the boxes up to what would be his room and then settled into arranging the living room. Jasper wandered into the kitchen to unpack the boxes of dishes. He assumed Levi wouldn't care where things were, as long as they were out of the boxes.

About an hour later, Levi had left to pick up the pizza and Jasper had everything unpacked. He had just started to break down the boxes when Alice appeared in the doorway.

"Looks good in here," she commented, taking it all in. "No more boxes."

He chuckled. "No more boxes. How's the living room coming?"

A shy, yet proud smile crossed her face. "Come see!"

She grabbed his hand and led him through the doorway into a room that had been totally transformed. Alice had opened the bay windows, letting in air and light to get rid of the musty smell. The couches were positioned in an L shape and the TV was settled against the stairway wall. She had put the coffee table in the middle and an end table between the two pieces of furniture as well as on the end of the couch, closest to the TV. The room looked bigger, brighter, and somehow warmer.

He walked in to look more closely, examining the pictures that were on the end tables and walls. His grandparents' wedding picture was hanging up, as were a few pictures of them throughout the years at various family functions. He saw a picture of his dad on one of the end tables. Jasper's baby picture was also there.

"Where did you find these pictures?" he asked, looking closer at some of them.

"I snooped," she admitted. "They were in the hall closet in a box. I hope that's okay. If it's not, you can take them down, of course. You can do the whole thing over again, really, if you don't like it. I just thought..." she climbed onto the arm of the couch to straighten his grandparents' wedding photo.

As she perched delicately on the arm, her pale, slender fingers lingered on the frame. Her thumb traced over the end of the veil in the picture. "They were so beautiful together. I thought they deserved to be...seen."

She stared at the picture for another moment before moving her eyes away from it to look at Jasper. Standing on the arm of the couch, she was just slightly taller than him.

"I think it's perfect," he told her. "All of it. The living room and the pictures... it feels... home-y."

She was still staring at him, her eyes scrutinizing every curve and angle on his face. They narrowed slightly, two turquoise orbs staring curiously as she darted them from the picture to his face again. "You look like him. Your grandfather, I mean."

He cocked an eyebrow. "You think? Even with his reddish hair?"

She nodded slowly. "It's a black and white photo; his hair just looks light. But even still... it's not the hair, it's... the aura. He keeps it in his eyes, like you do."

Alice turned her head back to look at his grandfather. "He's... serious. His eyes hold secrets. It's like... he didn't trust just anyone. But... he trusted her." Her hand ran over Jasper's grandmother's veil again. "She knew his secrets and he really loved her. It's in the way he's holding her..."

Jasper agreed with her. The way his grandfather and grandmother looked in their pictures was the same way that Pete and Char always looked together. You couldn't even call it 'being in love' because that would be an understatement. It was just like... that's how they were meant to be. Together. Around each other. Always.

His chest tightened at the thought of how it must feel for Charlotte, losing that so early... because of him...

Alice shook her head and chuckled, looking back at him, bringing him out of his thoughts. "Sorry. Kind of...went off on a tangent about a picture. I could be totally wrong." _The past is not my specialty. I'm better with the future, _she thought wryly.

But Jasper was intrigued because he knew that she wasn't wrong. He thought he was good at reading people, but Alice seemed to have a knack for it as well. Body language and eyes...

"My grandfather was a really quiet person, as far as I can remember of him. My Grandma died before he did, but they had a long marriage... and kids... so they probably were happy. And they look it in the other pictures, too..." He shrugged. "I don't think it's likely that you're wrong."

Jasper watched the contentment settle into Alice's eyes, making them look not as... stormy. Haunted. Instead, they were clear and piercing as she fixed them onto him in the same way she had looked at the picture. She was examining him, analyzing him. Could she trust him?

He stared right back, feeling much more at ease in her presence. She was the only person other than Charlotte that he just felt...okay...being around. He hoped it would last; this peacefulness thing was out of the ordinary for him.

The old phone rang loudly, startling both of them out of their stare-down.

Alice blushed. "They still have a landline phone. I haven't heard a phone ring like that in... so long."

Jasper nodded as it rang again. "Me either."

He answered it as Alice finished straightening out the rest of the pictures that were hanging over the couch.

When he got off the phone, he came back over to stand next to where she still stood on the arm of it, staring at her photo wall arrangment.

"That was my dad. He got a flat tire on his way to get the pizza, but he's changing it and then he'll grab the food and be on his way home. Just wanted to check in and let us know he'd be a little longer."

"We might starve," Alice said solemnly, her hand resting over her mouth as she examined the wall. "Are these lined up evenly?"

Jasper took a step back to look at the arrangement. "Looks good to me. And instead of starving, why don't we go grab something to drink while we wait?"

She nodded and turned around to jump down onto the floor. As she jumped, though, she rolled her ankle and let out a little yelp as she lost her balance.

Jasper caught her as they fell to the floor together.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes expressing his concern.

She laughed and nodded, wincing a little as she pressed her fingers to her ankle. "I just twisted it or something. But yeah... I'll be okay." She chuckled again. "We've got to stop meeting on the ground like this. We're two people who are perfectly capable of standing around one another."

"Maybe you're just falling for me," Jasper joked, and then made a face. "Yeah, that was really lame. I should just take that one back. Can I take it back?"

Alice grinned, her whole face lighting up, looking like a totally new and radiant person as she giggled. "No! You can't take it back 'cause it's already out there! Have you seen _When Harry Met Sally..._?"

He shook his head, smiling at her. "No, so I'm taking back!"

"Uh uh, can't do it. Meg Ryan will explain it all when we watch the movie together. Which we'll have to do now, sometime."

Jasper smiled at the thought of getting to spend more time with her. He stood, reaching down to help her stand. "Deal. Can you put pressure on it?"

She tentatively leaned her weight onto her foot. "Yeah, I think so. I'll just have to stretch it out a bit."

"Have a seat on the couch and I'll bring us some iced tea. Is that okay?" he asked.

She nodded and sat on the couch, but then grabbed his hand before he could leave.

He stood silently as she traced over the tiny white scars that were on his hands. A daily reminder of the accident. Uncoverable. His heart was racing as she touched them and he felt himself starting to sweat.

His breath caught in his throat when she spoke.

"I noticed them when we held hands."

She did a peculiar thing, then. Instead of asking how he got them or looking at him with pity, she simply kissed the tips of her fingers and then placed them first on the back of his hand and then on his palm.

His vision was cloudy, like he wasn't entirely in the living room with her, but he wasn't anywhere else either. His hands were freezing, but hers were warm, soothing. Again, he felt a sense of deja vu as he slowly moved his hand with hers so that their fingertips came to rest against one another's.

Alice knew she was crossing a line by drawing attention to the scars, but she felt too compelled to cross it to deny it. She didn't say another word, though. She just concentrated on the way his fingerprints felt melding into hers.

Jasper wanted to ask her if she felt it, too. The deja vu. The connection. The feeling that being around her meant things didn't always have to be so dismal. But instead, he just looked at her. And he didn't need to ask anymore: he just knew.

He wanted to be closer than fingertips to her. He needed to be closer. To hug her, smell the soothing eucalyptus in her hair, taste the flavor of her soft, sad mouth.

She leaned in, as if reading his thoughts. He could feel the warmth of her radiating around him.

Jasper's eyes were almost closed when Alice's phone started ringing in her pocket.

The sound waves from the ringing physically pushed them apart. Her eyes apologized as she stood to answer it, walking out into the hallway.

He swore under his breath and leaned back into the couch, his hands cradling his head. The moment had passed.

When Alice came back, she was closed off to him again. She grimaced casually.

"There was somewhere I had to be tonight... I forgot." She blinked and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I really have to go."

He swallowed. "Yeah, sure. That's... fine. Really. Um... we got a lot done already, so... thanks for the living room, anyway."

Standing to join her, he walked past her to grab their shoes from next to the door. "Can I walk you home?"

Jasper sat down on the couch to put his shoes on, not looking at her. He understood that she probably had something better to do than stay in with him on a Friday night, unpacking all of his shit. For what? Free pizza? _Stupid_, he thought to himself.

Alice knelt down next to him and looked up into his face. He made himself look at her and was surprised by the look of sorrow in her eyes.

"Alice?" Her name escaped from his lips without him thinking about it.

"I can come back sometime this weekend to finish helping you, okay? I'll bring _When Harry Met Sally... _with me."

Before he could answer, she leaned up and kissed his cheek lightly.

Whispering into his ear, she said, "No need to walk me home... tell your Dad goodbye from me. I'll get in touch with you later, okay? I promise."

She took one last look at his grandparents' wedding picture and then, with a look of genuine regret, she waved and walked out the front door.

Walked, not danced.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note: <span>Meh...not too many reviews, so for the two or three of you reading this, thanks for the reviews & encouragement! ;)**


	8. The Surprise

**Rated M for drug use, some sexual content, and dark themes. If you're sensitive to any of these topics, you may want to pass on this story.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them.  
><strong>

**Chapter 8: The Surprise**

James had picked her up at the corner of Jasper's street, outside of a convenience store. It had started to rain as Alice had left Jasper's house and by the time she got to the convenience store, it was pouring. She climbed into his car and immediately turned the heat up, trying to get dry.

"So...why am I picking you up here, again? I thought I was going to meet you at the end of your driveway?" Alice still hadn't let the Cullen family know that she was seeing James. She would just tell them she was going out with a friend for a few hours and that was the only information that they really required. She had been afraid that bringing James around would cause them to worry... or that they would forbid her to see him.

"I was... helping a friend move," she said slowly. It wasn't a lie... she was just careful about not mentioning that her friend was a guy. Or that she had forgot that she had had plans with James tonight.

"What friend? I wasn't aware that you had made any friends here," James said, squinting out the windshield as the rain fell harder.

She shrugged and wrung her wet hair out. "Someone I met through Rosalie is all."

"Should I know Rosalie?"

Alice frowned. "Probably not. She was at that party where you and I first met up again, though?"

He shook his head.

Alice put her hands against the vents blowing heat, trying to get warm. Being cold was one of the signs of a vision, and she was going to do all she could to stay warm so she wouldn't have one around James. It was bad enough that Jasper had witnessed one... she was relieved he hadn't pressed her for information about it. She wasn't sure what James' reaction would be.

"So... where are we heading?" she asked lightly.

"It's a surprise," he said, smiling.

"I hate surprises," she grumbled, and he laughed.

"You'll like this one."

They drove for a few minutes more before James cleared his throat.

"Just out of curiosity...what's the name of your friend who you were moving?"

She bit her lip before answering. "Jasper."

His hands tightened on the wheel. "Does he...have a last name?"

She raised her eyebrow at him. "Hale, I think. Though his dad introduced himself as Whitlock. So maybe Whitlock. I'm not sure which he goes by."

"Jasper Hale, eh?"

"I suppose. Do you know him?" The way he was acting, she figured he either knew him or wanted to know exactly who it was that Alice was hanging out with.

"Mmm, nope. Can't say that I do."

She hadn't been expecting that answer, but she shrugged it off in hopes that if they changed the subject, he wouldn't be upset that she had been spending time with another guy.

"So if you won't tell me where we're going... how long til we get there?" she tried.

"Minutes," he said. "Think you can wait that long before you explode or something?"

She laughed, relieved by his slightly lighter tone, and settled back into the seat. "Maybe."

They drove for a few more minutes before pulling over in front of a house that she didn't recognize.

"So... this is the surprise?" she asked, getting out of the car and throwing her hood up to block the rain.

"This is it," James said, coming around to take her hand. "This is Laurent's new place."

"Laurent?" She wracked her brain for some memory of him.

"Yeah, you know Laurent. We used to hang out with him all the time."

James entered the house without knocking and nodded to a few people sitting on the couch before making his way to the basement door.

"You'll know him when you see him."

But when they were finally introduced, Alice only had a very vague familiarity associated with him. She wouldn't have been able to recognize that she knew him if she had seen him without any background information from James.

It only took her a few moments to realize that they were at a party full of what she assumed to be their old friends. She knew some of the people there, but not all of them.

"So... surprise!" James said, heading over to a tray of brownies. "Partying like the old days, finally. Welcome home, Liss."

She shifted uncomfortably, knowing that it probably wasn't good of her to be here. She took in a breath and tried telling herself that it was okay as long as she didn't _do_ anything.

"Brownie?" James offered, but she shook her head, not knowing what was in them, but suspecting highly that it wasn't just a brownie.

He nodded. "Okay. What _do_ you want, then? 'Cause I can pretty much get anything I think you'd want. Except pot. I won't have that til probably Sunday, now. But anything else, just ask, and I'll find it for you."

She smiled at him. "That's sweet, James. Really. But I think I'm just gonna... chill."

He looked offended. "You mean you're not gonna do _any_thing?"

She shrugged. "I can't. I've told you already... I get sent away if I get into that kind of stuff again."

His eyes narrowed, but he finished eating his brownie and the nodded. "Okay. Well... I guess just do your chilling, then. I'm gonna walk around and see what's up."

And before she could say anything more, he walked away from her, almost as if she had embarrassed him.

She bit her lip at the sense that she had done something wrong and wandered over to a corner. It was cold in Laurent's basement. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned against the concrete wall, scanning the room and trying to focus on the faces she saw. If she could ground herself in this reality, she wouldn't be pulled into another one in her mind.

Alice knew that if she took the right type of drug that was being offered, she'd be able to get her temperature up, but she also knew if she did drugs she'd end up right back at Volturi. And she promised herself that she'd do_ anything_ to avoid going back there ever again. Plus, she wouldn't be able to stand letting Esme and Carlisle down after all they had done for her.

...And she did want to get better.

She suddenly felt overwhelmingly guilty. She had let James down because she wasn't going to party with him. She felt like she was letting Carlisle and Esme down by even being at this kind of party. And then Jasper...

She took her phone out of her purse and sent a quick text to him.

_sorry again for having to leave so quickly. i'll make it up to you. movie night. i promise. _

"You're okay," she murmured, "James'll be back in a bit. Just stay here."

Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out to read what Jasper had texted back.

_not a big deal. thanks for your help w/ the living rm. not sure if i can do a movie night tomorrow...supposed to have a friend from home over to visit. i'll let you know if it doesn't work out. just one question: extra butter popcorn or kettle corn?_

She grinned at his question and quickly texted back: _extra butter AND kettle!_

"Alice!"

She sent the text and then blinked as Jane and Heidi ran up to her, both grinning and definitely on something.

"Wow, hi guys," she stammered, for once speechless. She hadn't seen either one of the girls in over two years.

"James said you were coming, but we didn't believe him, did we Jane?" Heidi said, eyeing Alice up and down. "I can't believe you're still so skinny. My cousin had to go to rehab and when she came out, she had gained, like, twenty pounds or some shit. But you look _great_," she gushed.

Alice wasn't sure what to do. She had used to feel so comfortable around these people, but now... it was like she had grown up and they hadn't.

"You need something, Ali?" Jane asked her, her tone more calm and collected than Heidi's. "Heidi and I were thinking of grabbing Laurent and going upstairs for a bit to play. You could join us, if you wanted..." She held a tiny pill between her thumb and finger as she cocked her eyebrow questioningly at Alice.

Alice shook her head. "I'm okay for now. Except..." Well, it couldn't hurt to ask, "You wouldn't have any pot on you, would you? I can pay you..."

But Jane was shaking her head. "None on me. Just some at home for coming down later. James didn't give you any?"

"He said he can't get it till Sunday."

"You should ask Riley," Heidi said, looking up from texting.

"I don't know Riley," Alice admitted and both girls nodded understandingly.

"He started hanging out with us about a year ago, after you had already got caught. You should get some from him. It's a lot better than what James gets," Heidi told her.

Jane got a weird look in her eye as she smiled. "Yeah, c'mon Alice. We'll introduce you to Riley."

She swallowed and didn't move from the wall, suddenly feeling colder. "Um... that's okay. You know, I should probably just find James..."

"Can't hurt to meet him, Ali. What if James falls through on you? Then you're out all weekend."

Heidi reached to take Alice's hand in hers. Heidi's hand was on fire and Alice didn't want to let go of it because of that.

"Fine, I'll meet him. But don't force the pot thing. If it happens, it happens," she told them, her hand squeezing Heidi's like her life depended on it. She hoped that some of the fire would be enough to burn itself into her own palm so she could stay out of the future.

Jane smirked and Heidi grinned, "Deal. C'mon!"

She let herself be dragged upstairs, all the while realizing that she hadn't seen James in a while. She wondered, briefly, where he might be as Heidi pulled her down a hallway into Laurent's bedroom, where two guys Alice didn't recognize were hanging out.

Laurent's room was lit only by a black light on his desk. Everything glowed purple except for the trippy black-light poster on his closet door and the white shirt that Alice was wearing under her blue zip-up hoodie.

"Jane, Heidi," the guy with curlier hair greeted the two of them with a respectful, yet wary smile.

Jane smiled approvingly. "Hello, Diego. You wouldn't mind giving my new friend, Alice, some time to get acquainted with our friend Riley here, would you?"

"No problem." Diego nodded at Riley and left rather obediently, which made Alice suspicious.

Jane noticed her look and smiled cruelly. "Diego and I have a rather... special... relationship."

"I don't think I want to know, do I?" Alice said, shaking her head.

Jane chuckled. "Probably not. Anyway. Riley, this is Ali."

Riley was about the same height as Edward, which was a little shorter than James. He had dark hair and eyes so dark they were black in the dim lighting in Laurent's room.

Alice watched as Riley's eyes started at her feet and crawled their way up her body, lingering slightly at her chest, before he finally met her eyes.

"Ali," he repeated, his voice low and huskier than she had expected. He smiled, revealing extra-white teeth that glowed in the room.

Heidi remained quiet, transfixed, in her state, by Laurent's poster.

"We'll let you two get to know one another," Jane said, sharing a look with Riley before she ducked out of the room, pulling Heidi behind her.

Alice hadn't had time to protest, but now she was a little annoyed that Jane had left her here with him. At least she was out of the coldness of the basement, though. It was still chilly in here, but not freezing.

"I'm sorry. This is really awkward," Alice said immediately, not trying to hid her discomfort. "To be honest, they wanted to introduce us because I asked them for weed earlier... You don't have to 'get to know' me. In fact, I'm... just going to... head out. I'm sorry to bother you."

She tried to back out of the door, but Riley moved quickly, getting up off the bed and closing it. "You don't have to be sorry, Ali. If you're a friend of Jane's then I'm sure you're cool."

She bit her lip and looked past him at the now closed door, her heart starting to drum as the darkness started to settle in on her. Her fingers were ice cold and she tried to focus on something to stay out of the vision that was, without a doubt, going to overcome her soon.

"Don't look so nervous. You want me to smoke you up? All you have to do is say so."

She took in a hopeful breath as she looked up into his dark eyes. If she could smoke, just a little, then she could probably hold off the vision.

"Sure..." she said quietly, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. Her mind was only on one thing right now. "In here?"

"It's as good as any place," he shrugged, locking the door and reaching into one of Laurent's drawers. "This is the stuff I sold him. I'll just replace it before we go."

"You're sure this is okay?" she asked, slightly warily, as her sight began to dim. She quickly looked to the purple glow of the black light, trying to ground herself.

Riley eyed her again, but Alice didn't notice this time. "Absolutely."

He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the end of a blunt before passing it to her. "Ladies first."

The blunt was bigger than she was used to, but she took the hit anyway and immediately felt the effects. The room became more solid... like somehow the furniture had all been floating and fading and was now starting to solidify again.

She took another hit deep into her lungs and let it warm her before exhaling slowly.

Riley looked impressed as she passed him the blunt. "Now there's a girl who knows how to smoke. None of that hacking up a lung shit."

She wasn't sure if it was a good thing that she didn't cough because it probably meant her lungs were used to smoke. She had noticed, lately, that sometimes when she woke up in the morning, she had a bit of a cough, but by the time she got to school it would go away.

Right now, though, she didn't care about lungs or coughing. She was just glad that the world was back to being real again. Already, her body felt warmer. She felt that after a few more hits, she'd be able to feel her fingers and toes come out of their ice blocks.

Riley and Alice ended up laying back on Laurent's bed and staring up at the other black light poster he had on his ceiling. This one was just swirls, but Alice swore that they were moving. They were like a black hole or something.

Riley laughed when she told him that. "A black hole. Or a rabbit hole. Only in the ceiling. You know, your own version of Alice in Wonderland. Instead of a rabbit hole outside it's a black hole in the ceiling." He clearly considered himself a genius for putting those two things together.

Alice started to feel weird after a few more hits. Normally, weed would put her more in touch with reality and with herself. She felt in control of everything. If she got high enough, she could feel her heart beat against her chest and hear the blood pulsing through her in her ears. She could feel that she was real and so that made everything else around her more amplified. There was no way she could be conquered by a vision when she was sufficiently high.

But right now, along with feeling those things, she also felt... different. She brought her fingers to her lips and realized that she couldn't really feel her fingers. She stared in wonder at how they seemed to be touching one another, but she couldn't feel them touching.

Riley chuckled next to her. "What are you doing, Ali?"

She made to sit up, but laid back down quickly as a rush of dizziness hit her. She felt her heart start to race as her fingers and toes turned cold again. Why were they turning cold again?

"I'm cold again. I don't know why. Why am I cold, Riley?" she asked, tilting her head to the side to look at him.

"I don't know why you're cold. Can I try to help? 'Cause I'm hot."

He wanted to help. And he was hot. She needed to be hot, too. She nodded.

He rolled over so that he was on top of her, his body pressing against hers. "Does that feel warmer?"

She shook her head because she really couldn't feel anything from him. It was weird because her mind was freaking out, but she couldn't get her body to do anything to react.

He moved closer to her and put his lips against her neck. "Warm, yet?"

Alice was frozen, too dazed to react as he took off first her jacket and then her shirt, followed by his shirt. His skin burned, then, against hers as his lips kissed over her collarbone, making their way to her breast. He moved her bra aside and then he moved his head down a bit to suck on the skin outside of her nipple, leaving his mark on her.

"W-what-" she managed breathlessly, but he put a finger to her lips.

"C'mon, Ali. Be fair. I smoked you up, calmed you down, and I'm not even gonna ask you to pay me. Just be with me for a bit. I won't hurt you."

She was scared out of her mind, now, but she was suddenly back in the mindset she had been in when in Volturi.

At Volturi, her doctor, Aro, had tried everything he could to figure out how her body reacted while she was on drugs. He had done what he called "research." During "research", she was so fucked up on whatever he had given her that all she could do was lay there in just a hospital cover and let him do his "tests."

She shivered as she thought of it, feeling strangely feverish, now. She felt herself reverting to the 'give in' mindset that she had had there, as Riley slid his fingers into her jeans.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she listened to him breathing heavily above her, moving his fingers and his hips in ways that made him feel good.

When he had warmed her up enough to thaw her hands and feet, she made herself push him off of her and rolled off of the bed, grabbing her shirt from the floor.

"What are you doing, Ali?" he asked, his dark eyes watching her with irritation. "We weren't done hanging out, yet."

She hastily managed to get her arms through her jacket sleeves and found her voice. "_I'm_ done hanging out, Riley."

Still semi-dizzy, she tripped out of Laurent's hazy bedroom and made her way down the hallway to the stairs.

"Hold on!"

She heard Riley coming behind her. Focusing on the steps beneath her feet, she clung to the railing and took the first step down.

She felt Riley grab her arm and whip her around. "We're not... done yet, Ali," he said again. He stood there, shirtless, with his fingers around her wrist and a glare on his face.

"We're _done_, Riley," she said, feeling more confident now that she was out of the dark, smokey room. If she screamed, there would be people to hear her. "Now fucking let go of my arm."

He stared at her for a long time, his eyes burning, until he finally must have realized that apart from lifting her up and forcing her, there was nothing more he could do.

Riley roughly let go of her.

"Fuck you," he spat in a low, vicious tone.

Her piercing eyes glowed up at him as she backed down the stairs, one at a time, until she reached the bottom. When she got to the bottom, he had turned around with one last glare and walked away.

She breathed a sigh of relief, but knew that she had to get out of there. The further away from that room, the more clear her head was getting.

Jane appeared before her. "Done so soon?" she asked with a smirk.

Alice stared at her, feeling dirty and used. It was obvious that Jane knew the whole time what would happen if she went in with Riley.

"I'm not like that anymore, Jane," she said quietly, but firmly, still gripping the railing.

Jane raised an eyebrow. "No? New Alice too good for her old friends? We were just trying to help you, Ali. You said you wanted to be high and now you are. Lighten up."

Alice shook her head, disgusted with herself, and turned to walk away from Jane, not caring anymore about where James was or if Riley was coming after her or not. She needed out. She needed to go back to her room and away from... all of this.

She dug her phone out of her purse and pressed Emmett's speed dial as she made her way out the front door and into the rain again. She put her hood up to shield her phone from getting wet and started to walk.

"Hey, Pix!" he greeted as he answered the phone. "So, listen to this. And I can only tell you real fast right now because I walked outside to take your call, but you would not believe where I am right now!"

"Em - - " she started, but he cut her off.

"- - Well, maybe you might guess, but you'd never guess with _who_. Okay... so I'm just hanging out, minding my own business, and my cell rings - -"

"- - Emmett - -"

"- -And it's _Rosalie. _Apparently, her parents bought a new washer/dryer for her uncle and Jasper and they need help getting the damn thing over there and unloaded because it's really, really heavy. Jasper can help, but Rosalie's dad has a bad back and Jasper's dad has, like, weak knees or something? I don't know. But anyway, she calls because that fucker Royce was working and they needed some muscle and the first person she thought to call was none other than _moi. _So I'm over at her cousin's place right now and I must say you have quite an eye for decorating. Mom would be impressed. The living room looks awesome! Jasper said you were over earlier. But yeah, so we got the washer in but then it _really_ started to pour, so we're taking a break with some cold pizza - -"

"- -Emmett, stop!" she finally said, picking up her pace as she started walking to where she thought was back toward Jasper's house. She would have been amused at how much Emmett sounded like herself, if she hadn't been scared that she wouldn't make it home. "I need you."

His tone changed immediately from jovial to serious. "Alice? For what? Where are you?"

She tried to keep her voice from cracking. "I'm not... sure. I went out with some old friends and now I need picked up. I'm walking... I'm sorry for asking you to leave Rosalie, but can you come get me?" She felt like shit for asking, knowing very well that Emmett was totally in love with Rosalie, despite the fact that Rose was only nice to him when Royce wasn't around.

"Are you okay? What's around you? I'll find you."

She looked around. "Trees and houses. I'm sorry..." Her voice cracked and she felt tears spill over onto her face.

"Calm down, Pix. It's gonna be all right. You've gotta listen to me, though, okay? I need you to find a street sign and the nearest house number and then find somewhere safe to wait for me. Don't go under a tree 'cause Dad always told us you can get struck by lightning under trees when it's storming."

She felt a little lighter as he said that. She knew he was being totally serious, but it was such an innocent, Emmett-like thing to say.

"Alice?" he asked again when she didn't respond, trying to squint through the rain at house numbers as she got to the end of the street.

"I won't go under a tree. And I'm standing outside of 115 Maple."

"Hold on, I'm going to enter it into my phone GPS and see if anything comes up."

A few seconds of dead air went by and then he came back to her. "Street, avenue, or road?"

"Avenue," she answered, pulling her hoodie tighter around her. She was starting to feel cold again, despite still being pretty baked. And that scared her.

"Okay, I'm on my way." He lowered his voice a bit, "Any drugs or drinking?"

She decided to be honest with him. "Just pot, but then things got weird and I... I had to get out of there, Em."

"Weird, how?" he asked, no judgment at all in his voice. She heard muffled voices in the background and then the sound of a car starting up.

"Just... me being stupid and too high. I shouldn't have... he didn't... I should have stopped..."

"He who? Did someone hurt you?" he growled.

"I don't know," she said quietly, swallowing the lump in her throat. She didn't want to think about it. Any of it. "Em, does the GPS tell you how long til you're here?"

"Just five more minutes. Alice, do I need to go kick someone's ass? 'Cause I'll fucking kill someone if they hurt you."

She heard someone talking sharply in the background, but couldn't hear what they were saying.

"No, Em. I just need to go home. Who's with you?"

"Rosalie and Jasper. Don't be mad. They insisted," he said, his tone lightening up a bit as guilt seeped into his words.

Surprisingly, she didn't feel mad. Or even numb. She felt... kind of relieved. She could see Jasper again and apologize for leaving earlier.

Jasper...

She assured him that she wasn't mad, feeling that if anyone should be mad, it should be Emmett. She waited until she saw headlights in the distance before she spoke again.

"Is that you?"

The car flicked it's high beams off and on and she felt a warm rush of relief surge through her as she hung up the phone, the car getting closer.

Emmett pulled to the side and Jasper jumped out of the back seat and into the rain.

"I thought car rides made you sick," was the first thing that blabbered from Alice's mouth. As soon as the words were out, she wished she could just suck them back in. She knew she wasn't supposed to know that, but she had realized it when she had driven the stuff over from his house.

But Jasper looked more surprised than anything else. "They do."

His eyes met hers, silently searching to see if she was okay. He didn't ask out loud, but she understood what he was doing.

"I'm trying to be," she responded, answering his silent question with brutal honesty.

He nodded, his broken eyes seeming to understand her more than anyone ever had, and held out his hand. She took it, letting him guide her into the warmth of Emmett's Jeep.

"Make sure she stays warm, Jasper," Rosalie said as the two crawled in and shut the door. "Alice, take your hoodie off and put Jasper's on. It's dry."

Alice listened to Rosalie as Jasper wrapped his hoodie around her. He hesitated, but then left his arms around her, too.

She snuggled into the warmth of him and met Emmett's eyes in the rear view mirror.

"We don't have to tell my parents about this," Emmett told her.

Rosalie shook her head. "No. You can come over to my place and we'll get you warmed up and dried off."

The two of them talked to figure out a way to cover for her during the ride to Rosalie's house, but Alice barely heard them. She felt so... at ease. Jasper was surrounding her and her cousin, who was more of a brother, and Rosalie, who was the closest thing to a best friend she had ever had, were sitting in the car with them. She felt protected. Safe.

These three friends had rescued her from a situation that scared her. They hadn't abandoned her.

She knew that this feeling wouldn't last. She'd have to face James again and explain why she had run out. Jane might tell him what had happened with Riley, and then she'd have to deal with all of that...

But for now, she was content in the warmth that surrounded her. She closed her eyes, her fingers stroking the back of Jasper's scarred hand.

She felt even warmer when his fingers ran over the back of hers, responding to her touch.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> To those who reviewed, this chapter is for you. Thank you so much for your words and encouragement. Please continue to let me know what you think! **


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